Ways the World Could End and What Happens After
The Sun Explodes: It’s been on fire for a few centuries now, it is only a matter of time until it explodes like a thing of bug spray in a campfire.
Tag: Aliens
Even Though I Am an Astronaut Whose Mom Had to Pick Him Up Early From Space, I Still Deserve Respect
The worst part was that a local news team ran a story that the reason my mom picked me up was because I was scared.
The Orb in the Woods Kids
The orb seemed pretty observant, too, so no doubt everyone’s unique powers would shed new light on their natural strengths and underlying weaknesses.
In Conclusion: Aliens Not Only Built The Pyramids, But They Also Committed That Murder I’ve Been Accused Of
And sure, the judge may say this is all “outside the scope of the trial”---but who are you gonna listen to? Me, or this fuckin' alien judge?
Dear Hollywood: As Martians, We Are Tired of Being Represented as Evil
Imagine if we depicted all of humanity as tiny, pink, whiners with aggressive tendencies. Your species would not appreciate this behavior.
Introducing Rise™, the New Season by Starbucks
From our flagship hot beverage, Fiery Wrath Cappuccino™, to our new hellfire-baked goods, there’s something for everyone and everything and everytime!
Advice From One Mad Scientist to Another: Don’t Open That Interdimensional Gateway
I’m not quite sure how to begin but I know too well how it ends: with tendrily monsters eating your loved ones.
Excerpts from Tom DeLonge’s Next UFO Manifesto That are Definitely Not Pleas to Rejoin Blink-182
How could your bandmates of 13 rad-as-hell years up and replace you when all you requested was an indefinite break to go hunt aliens for a living?
I’ve Talked to the Aliens and They Say We’re Fucked
Contrary to popular opinion, the aliens said even doomsday preppers won't make it that far in an apocalypse. They were explicit on this.
Who Will Win Big at the 2018 Oscars?
Popular wisdom has Gary Oldman and Daniel Day-Lewis fighting it out for best actor, but they're gonna have a hard time beating the deserving winner.
I Know Aliens are Real Because My Stepdad is One and I Hate Him
While I can't speak for aliens as a whole, Craxtavore, Conqueror of Worlds, is a total dick. I can't believe Mom doesn't see through his façade.
19 Ways to Get Rid of Aliens on Earth
Let's say we do make contact with aliens and they accept our invitation to Earth. Unfortunately, 206 arrive at once and they're super annoying. How do we get rid of them?