The Quarantine Cookbook: Easy Recipes for Your Favorite Staples
Oreos: So your kids are begging for America's favorite cookie? Lucky for you it couldn't be easier. First, begin by grabbing your titanium dioxide.
Tag: America
Why We Decided to Keep Our PPP Loan
So why is Potbelly keeping your hard-earned taxpayer money? Because you all will fucking forget the second you’re allowed outside, that’s why.
Subscription Boxes of the Wild West
We accept many forms of currency, including gold bars, silver pesos, and buried treasure, provided it is accompanied by a map.
Reality Competition Shows for Complete Psychopaths
Project Runaway Train: Designers are placed on trains careening toward the edge of a cliff at groundbreaking speed.
Historical Cures That Were Worse Than the Problem
Problem: Polio Cure: Jonas Salk’s polio vaccination. Worse Problem: Finding out your favorite celebrity thinks vaccines are worse than polio.
Neil Gaiman’s Republican Mythology
In Mayr-a-Layrgo stood Pootin, who existed before the primaries. He sits upon a giant steed, wearing pants but no shirt, chest oiled for some reason.
All Aboard the Gravy Train!
Succulents, violets, bromeliads, fiddle leaf figs, and ferns all appreciate a heavy dousing of gravy.
A Pandemic through Single-Stream Recycling Bins
Friday Morning, Week 5 / Yellow Bungalow / Trader Joe's beer bottles (10) / Vodka bottle (1 pint) / Cardboard Pop-Tart boxes, cinnamon frosted (1)
I Am the Netflix Producer That Pitches Reality TV Shows and Only I Understand the Depraved Depths of the Human Psyche
My signature traits as a producer are bringing people together who probably shouldn’t be together and separating people by arbitrary barriers.
Product Sponsorship of America’s Greatest Disasters
1876, Rogaine’s Custer’s Last Stand, “Scalp Issues? We’re For You” / 2005, Maxwell House’s Hurricane Katrina, “Good to the Last Levee Drop”
Jury Duty Is Rebranding as Justice Festival
As you enter the courthouse, you will get a trendy wristband. This unlocks special access to the “VIP Pit” also known as the “Enormous Waiting Area.”
It’s Me, The Retail Worker You Don’t Think Deserves More Than $2/Hour but That You Expect to Be on the Frontlines of the Pandemic Response
Since you believe we’re immune to feelings, it only makes sense that you believe we’re immune to the coronavirus, too.