The Late Capitalist Horror of Mary Shelley’s Franken-Frappuccino
It agitated its shimmery surface, and with a convulsive motion, sprang to life. “BEHOLD, I AM THE TYE-DIE FRAPPUCCINO,” it roared.
Tag: America
Ken Cuccinelli Rejects “The New Colossus”
“And her name, Mother of Exiles” --- Where did you get this name from? The current working title of the statue is “Water Hello Person.”
Welcome to Other You: Box Subscriptions From the Multiverse
From your Lifestyle Influencer Universe: Eyelash extensions so huge and long they make it impossible to open your eyes. You’ll feel like Bambi!
5 Moments at Grandpa’s Funeral That Were, In Retrospect, The Wrong Time to Set Up My LuLaRoe Pop Up
Grandpa would have appreciated that I identified the lighting near the casket as the best to showcase my stunning collection of floral maxi skirts.
Unfortunately, You Have Not Been Accepted to the United States of America
You also referenced a desire to give your children a better life than you were afforded. Unfortunately, the board felt this was a bit unoriginal.
With These Latest Mass Shootings, We Condemn the Violent Influence of Princess Zelda, Donkey Kong, and Super Mario
Mario is the lust for violence incarnate wrapped in a disguise of respectability. Those green pipes you see are hardly plumbing simulators.
Bullets Beg America: Please Stop Bullying Us!
Okay, we’re a large part of literally every war, but so are doctors and no one blames them.
NY Times Urges Unity vs. Headlines That Gloss Over Important Context
Shooter Urges Unity vs. Gun Violence | Wall Street Urges Unity vs. Income Inequality | Toddler Urges Unity vs. Temper Tantrums
Other Things Elizabeth Warren Has a Plan For
Paying for that improv class. Paying for single-payer healthcare. Getting back together with Jeff. Convincing Jeff to come to your improv show.
If I Responded to Americans Like They Respond to the Fact That I’m Colombian
Wow, guns do kill so many Americans. But, like, have you ever partied with guns? It’s awesome.
Eating Out: 7 Understandably Regional Delicacies
Hawaiian Nachos are not your traditional nacho. If you ask for fresh guacamole, expect a bowl of homemade wintergreen toothpaste.
How “Reservoir Dogs” Helped Me Overcome the Generational Trauma of My Snitch Family
The men and women in my family took to snitching. My grandfather was known as the Irish Elvis because he would sing to the cops about anything.