I’m Kevin Bacon’s Character from “Tremors” and I Vehemently Oppose Gun Control Legislation
Put yourself in my shoes, trapped in the middle of the desert with underground nightmare creatures waiting to devour you at any given moment.
Tag: America
Introducing Jack Daniel’s Hotspots
Developed in our top-secret lab deep in the bedrock below our cave spring, each and every Jack Drone is crafted to exacting standards.
New Trolley Problems for Our New Political World
"The Brexit": The UK is on a train about to crash. Unfortunately, they were on a safe track and decided to pull the switch to crash themselves.
The Ballad of the Inept Geneticist
I am the Inept Geneticist So send to me your best spitting And for you I’ll manufacture A heritage more befitting
No More Snacks During Weekly Snacks Sales Review Meetings
We are thankful for your hard work and creativity. Your work is as yummy, crunchy, and delicious---just like our chips!
Introducing the Brand New White Privilege Tracker App
Earn points when you accidentally blow through a stop sign and understand that people of color could not laugh with the police officer about it.
The Case for Watching “Three Men and a Baby” and “Baby’s Day Out” Back to Back
Baby vs. Single Men is the quintessential conflict of the time period, driving at the heart of America’s anxieties around wealth, gender, and cocaine.
A White House Statement on Iran for America’s Bros
The big boy used his new moon to rock nuky cappos, support beezies, and pushed a hard line throughout the Middle E-Town and beyond.
NRA Talking Points For Kids
First, you come for my toy guns. What’s next? Marshmallow shooters, finger guns, fingers themselves?! After you already got my nose? Never again!
Quarterly Review
I thought this was a quarter but it’s actually a POG. I traded it to my friend Dennis for a real quarter.
New Protests Groups Like Antifa You Can Join
Antipopop: This organization protests the use of the nickname "Poppi" for "grandfather," as well as the variants "Pop Pop," "Bop Bop," and "Boppie."
I, Skeletor, Lord of Evil, Have a Message for the Republican Electorate
No matter what I do, you keep supporting me. When I say, “I help no one but myself!”, you cheer! Why!? That means I won’t help you!