Interview Notes from Trump’s Personal Biographer
If I push hard enough, will this pen go into my brain? Will the Secret Service stop me? There's no way I'm leaving alive; I've seen too much.
Tag: America
Radically Honest Self-Talk Sparked by “House Hunters” Intros
Will Marcus and Athena find a home to grow into, or will you spend the whole episode oscillating between rage, jealousy, and attraction to Athena?
Quiz: Should You Pretend to Care About the Super Bowl?
The Super Bowl is on the horizon, or so you've been told, and it seems to have importance. Should you sit through this tradition?
I Combined the Two Things We Fear Most: Donald Trump’s Tweets and Sprite
Is this a modern Huxley, or is it a true fright? Lovecraft… Stoker! Oh, such a crippling thought, such my will of darkness.
I Serve White House Guests the Nicest Bottles of Diet Coke
Entertaining guests at the White House, huge part of being president. I drink Diet Coke from cans, but only the best for guests: bottles or fountain.
A Non-Partisan Guide to Swinging Both Ways
Have you ever lusted after Bernie Sanders' egalitarian utopia but then felt you were cheating on that copy of Reagan's "City Upon a Hill" speech?
I Went to Asia for 3 Weeks and Here’s What I’m Doing Back in the States to Make Sure Everyone Knows I Went to Asia for 3 Weeks
Recently I have reactivated my Instagram account to post pictures with #worldtraveler, #nomad and, most importantly, "not a bad view for a Monday."
4 Patriotic Wartime Activities That Will Have You Home in Time to Watch Those Badass Missiles on TV
As we prepare for war with North Korea, Americans can be counted on to do their part. Just so long as we're home in time to watch the missiles on TV!
Five Little-Known Facts About Davy Crockett
Davy Crockett actually wore his raccoon-skin cap as a functional warning to other raccoons not to climb on his head while he was sleeping.
Dear Mr. Trump, We Regret to Inform You That We are Unable to Publish Any of Your Manuscript Submissions
Regarding your autobiography, "The Real Mr. T: I Pity the Fool Who Wears Gold-Plated," this was a hard one for us, but regrettably, we have to pass.
My Car Keys are Missing, and I Blame Hillary’s Emails
I have the world's best memory, so when I woke up this morning and couldn't find my car keys anywhere, I knew Crooked Hillary was to blame.
A Prolific “Perfect Strangers” Fan Fiction Writer Seduces a Woman at a Party
No, I'm not sure when my episodes will be aired. Like I said, you won't be able to watch any until they're filmed. Show business, am I right?