Jared Kushner Email: “Did Anyone Find a Pokémon Backpack in the Oval Office?”
Not only might this backpack contain documents related to the fake Russia investigation, but it also has sentimental value.
Tag: America
Parents Need Better Access to Affordable Child Pageants
Expensive these days, having kids and taking care of them. It's hard for parents out there without easy access to affordable child pageants.
Elf on the Shelf Captain’s Log
The kids seem to want a chemistry kit, an iPhone, and a Kylie Jenner lip-gloss contraption. Santa will be furious with their capitalistic greed.
Opening Statement from Congressional Conservatives Following Historic Tax Bill Approval
Good afternoon, America! We've recently learned that humor is the best way to break bad news. Good thing the new tax bill is great news!
The Donald J. Trump Presidential Library Yacht Puts All Others to Shame
More visitors than Reagan's! Fewer tears than Kennedy's! Less graffiti than Bush's! The Donald J. Trump Presidential library is legit on fleet.
An Open Apology to Fellow “Justice League” Viewers Who Heard Me Explain How I’d “Treat Superman Right”
I realize that ruining the sacred post-blockbuster cinema space with comments on the beauty of the most beautiful man in the galaxy was wrong.
The Scrambler: Your Nemesis at Every Local Amusement Park
The ride starts up and our car whips around and gathers speed. "HOLY SHIT we're heading straight for the fence!" my coffee conscience says.
I Am the Best Neopets Player in All of Neopia
You know Neopets? The little pets online. They're like animals, like animals in the world, but magical and on the computer. So fun, and I'm the best.
The Undeserved Reputation of the Hostile Philadelphia Eagles Fan
Here I stand, a proud Giants fan in Veterans Stadium prepared to be spit and spilled on at every turn, proclaiming that Eagles fans have gotten a bad rap.
We Need Filibuster Reform, Which is a Shame Because I Love the Word “Filibuster”
So difficult to get things done with the Senate always getting in the way, but these filibusters, they make it hard. We need filibuster reform, even if it is such a fun word to say.
Other Things It is Disgusting and Absurd to Suggest This Administration Supports
In addition to not supporting slavery, I, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, would like to lay out very clearly everything else Donald Trump and this administration opposes.
7 Sexy Baseball Movies to Get You in the Mood for the World Series
Thanks to the extensive sports section at my local adult video store, I now understand everything about baseball, nudity and all!