The Bachelor: Press Secretary Edition
Newt Gingrich: [Cupping Donald Trump's tear-stained face in his hands] You owe it to yourself to move on from Spicer. He hurt you. It’s time to find your next true love, Mr. President.
Tag: America
Melania Hates Me, But at Least I Still Have the Support of the American People
You've all seen Melania being cold to me. No hand holding, eye rolls, ignoring, walking separately, bad, bad. But I'm not upset because at least the American people still love me.
11 Inspiring Quotes from Americans Working Jobs They’re Totally Unqualified For
"Never bottle up your confusion. Think out loud. An effective way to communicate your muddled beliefs is Twitter." -Kisha P., Police Desk Sergeant
5 Historical Events Reimagined If Congressional Republicans Had Been in Charge
Republicans have demonstrated unflappable stoicism in the face of foreign attacks, unparalleled corruption, and looming constitutional crisis. How would they have fared with historical events?
You Won’t Need Healthcare for Long, Trust Me
No sense in paying all this money for Obamacare when the end is near. Expensive, too expensive, when we're all going to die anyway. You should love the AHCA.
America Needs a Revolution But Preferably Not One That Inconveniences My Comfortable Lifestyle
The world is watching us, waiting... But can we respond tomorrow, maybe? I'm kind of tired tonight. I worked till like 6pm today and the season finale of "Ladies of London" is on.
You’d Play Golf Too If You Were Trying to Ignore the Suffering of Millions of People
Get lots of bad press for golf, bad, but you’d spend most of your time golfing too if you were trying to distract yourself from everyone’s problems.
Rex Tillerson’s Honey-Do List from His Wife, Renda
It’s tough going from the head honcho to being a number 2. What do I always say? “If you don’t punch the hog in the nose he’ll make complex international decisions without you.”
White House Announces Grand Opening of Camp Trump
Do you feel out of step with the rest of the country? Are you still clinging to those liberal values of human rights and free speech? We can help!
The Only Trustworthy News Sources Are the Post-Its Steve Bannon Leaves Me
Those little yellow stickies are the only place you can trust for good news. Well I mean “good” like “real,” because sometimes the news, it isn't so good.
How to Tell If Your Undercut is All Right or Alt-Right
Does your new haircut scream stylish or white power? Use this guide to see where you fall on the spectrum from well-meaning hipster to Richard Spencer.
My New Stepdad is a US Military Predator Drone
I was hesitant at first. A military guy? Is he every going to be around with all those long deployments? Was my mom really ready for that life?