Kellyanne Conway Defends The Joker, Dr. Evil and Jafar on CNN
"I think that it’s important to realize that Mr. Wayne has kept a lot of secrets from the American people, secrets that Mr. Joker, frankly, feels they deserve to have answered."
Tag: America
Sorry Conservatives, Just Because I Was Raised By Two Moms Doesn’t Mean I’m Messed Up—I’m Messed Up Because My Moms Were Wolves
It really irks me when someone says my two-mom, non-traditional upbringing, could have damaged me as a child. I'm damaged because my moms were wolves.
Hey Brother, Can You Spare a Billion?
Dear Mr. Trump: Years after that encounter outside Trump Tower years ago, you're now the most powerful man in the world, and I'm sitting in the same spot in my urine-soaked pants.
How to Not Be Okay with Your Body at a German Spa
People are staring at each other, unblinkingly, completely nude. No turning away politely, just unabashedly staring. Why are we doing this? Why on earth are we here?
If I’m Anti-Semitic, Why’d I Make Jared Kushner Senior Economic and Media Adviser?
The Jews are so good, they almost remind me of myself. Always dealing. So I keep Jared right next to me. Keeping an eye on him.
5 Other Times Jill Stein Fucked It Up for Everybody Else
One look into Stein's past would have revealed some big clues to the total disaster wrought upon our country due to her very presence.
5 Gift Returns That Protest My Gift-Giver’s Worldview But Do Not Reflect My Enjoyment of Their Present
My uncle's Osprey Xenith 105 backpack would've been perfect, if only he hadn't decided to post "We should nuke the entire middel east!!!!" on Facebook.
Melania Trump’s Lost Journal Entries from 2005
A private glimpse into that blissful first year of marriage to Donald J. Trump. Ah, newlyweds.
I Don’t Have Ties to Russia, Russia Has Ties to Me
How can I have ties to Russia? The best people, all the people, really, but mostly the best, have said I don’t. And they're working for me now.
Just Caught My Son Crandley YouTubing BMX on a School Night
Some nights I lie awake, wondering, is my son a nancy ass? Now, I fear the worst?: that he harbors dreams of a future in social work.
PRESS RELEASE: Kellyanne Conway Clears Up the Question of the Michael Flynn/Russia Controversy
If the Mike Flynn Russia call did not take place in our Presidents sense of reality, either there is no issue as this is the only reality that now matters or it is not.
I’m Totally Against Abortion, Except in Cases of Ugly Women
We all know abortion is wrong. Bad. But sometimes the mother is so disgusting and fat from being pregnant, we really don't want that baby.