Half Cuban, 100% White
I'm a halfie: my mother is Cuban and my father is American. I'm not brown, I'm not white… I'm fucking khaki. And it sucks. Here's why.
Tag: America
A Basic History of the Great State of West Virginia
I feel the need to dispel the misconceptions about the theme of what was once my favorite John Denver song and currently the state that I call home. Please enjoy a basic history of the great state of West Virginia.
10 Things Destroying America’s Youth
American youths are steadily being eroded into douchebags, techno-geeks, and new age hippies. Here are the worst things chipping away at the next generation.
Top 5 Reasons Americans Are So Rude
Whether it's politics, cuisine, attitude, or history, one way or another the same question always arises: 'Why are Americans so rude?'
The Ten Fattest States in the Union (And the Foods That Got Them There)
<p><img src="/files/u2/junk-food-platter.jpg" alt="Junk food platter" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="200" height="257" align="right" />Back when I first started writing for this site there were no iPhones, New Orleans had never been destroyed, and PIC Fearless Leader Court Sullivan had the same haircut he has today.
Las Vegas Spring Break Alibis
A list of alibis for the common events you will encounter during your Spring Break trip to Las Vegas, ensuring that your friends and family will never find out just how much of a monster you really are.
Famous Moments in Alcohol: Awesomely Alcoholic Americans
Mankind's history is littered with moments when booze reigned supreme. America's high points include General Grant's whiskey habits, Paul Revere's loud drunken warnings, and the early recruitment of U.S. Marines.
George Washington Handles a Terrorist Attack
George Washington gets word that a stage coach with Martha inside was captured by terrorists, and proceeds to school John Adams on dealing with the situation.
An Open Letter to America
Hey United States. Look I'm not trying to be critical, I just have some questions about, you know, things like Cheney, nudity, and money.
The State of the Future Address
The year 2005 isn't everything we had hoped for, but with a few tweaks (more steroid use and Iraq war coverage, etc.) it might be a little better.
I Voted in Florida—Sorry About Us
Let me apologize to the rest of the country. If what I experienced is any indication of the way voting is working in this state, then well, we've screwed you again. It's not our fault though.
Why America is Better Than England
We won the war, we drive on the right side of the road, and we could care less about Victoria Beckham. Clearly, the U.S. is better than England.