Other Nicknames You Can Call Me Besides Vinny “Chickenshit” DiLorenzo
Despite everything I do, the only thing anyone can remember is a rumor that I mistook chicken poop for Runts candy.
Tag: Animals
The Three Little Pigs During Coronavirus
The first little pig went to a boardwalk bar, met up with single pigs, and thought masks were for tree-hugging liberals and was a Democratic hoax.
Ways to Reform the Agitated Bear in the Center of Town
We will ensure the bear sits through an hour of sensitivity training that contradicts the lifetime of violent impulses it has acquired.
Every Writer’s Essay About Their Cat
My cat was born in hell. She exists solely to antagonize me and if anything ever happened to her I would kill everyone and then kill myself.
I Am the Raccoon Who Lives in Your Trash and We Need to Talk about Your Diet
And your chicken nuggets are shaped like Shrek. How old are these things? They haven’t promoted a Shrek movie since 2010.
Bear in Hibernation or Millennial in Quarantine?
Works hard but makes no money / Loves avocado and salmon breakfasts / Obsessed with filtered water / Goes on many long, sad walks
My Name Is Old MacDonald and I Had More Than a Farm, I Had a Family
First there was a cluck-cluck here, then a cluck-cluck there, but soon my nightmares were filled with the cooings and cawings of the foulest fowl.
“Chicken Queen” Now Streaming on Netflix
Clara, stop pecking the sound guy! I’m sorry, Clara has recently developed a taste for human flesh.
I’m the Cockroach That Lives Under the Sink, and This Is My MasterClass
Together, you and I shall become pioneers of pest control vexation by breaking down what I call "The Art of Infestation."
United States Presidents vs. Swamp Rabbits
In 1903, Theodore Roosevelt announces an open boxing challenge to any willing swamp rabbit. In 1911, William Howard Taft eats a swamp rabbit.
A Taxonomy of North American Public Men’s Room Dick Drawings
Weak and easily preyed upon, the Sickly Spotted Woody Pecker has evolved to compensate for its innate physical disadvantages.
Zoinks! It’s the Scooby-Doo Easter Special
Shaggy interrupts Jesus to say that he is just like him: he doesn’t have bones, but rather, Scooby Snacks shaped like bones.