The Meaning of Life
The meaning of life is being in a bathtub, no matter what the circumstances are. It’s joining a group to roll a beached whale back into the sea.
Tag: Arts
Places Where You Could Actually Get Some Writing Done
In the office of your old English professor, the one who took arbitrary points off and wrote "doesn't work," with his lifeless body as a footstool.
Creative Ways to Get Out of Conversations With Men Who Just Learned Who Nietzsche Is
Ask if his idea of the Übermensch is also white, ya know, like he is. No way to cut off an Aryan like bringing up the Holocaust.
Failed Restaurant Chains of Famous Artists
Turning your art into a culinary brand doesn't always pan out. Just ask any soft serve operator at the now-defunct Dali Queen.
The Stages of Trying to Convince Yourself You Like the New Weezer Album
3. Bargaining: “Maybe if they make some goofy videos it’ll make up for the shitty songs, right? I mean, come on, it works for OK Go."
I Am the Woman Who Bakes Brownies for Her Coworkers on a Weeknight, and My Life is Definitely Not Crumbling Before My Eyes
I made the brownies with one hand while reading for my ChickLits book club. Sleep is a societal construct! I think I’m starting to hallucinate.
Introducing Our Latest Groundbreaking Piece of Gym Equipment: The Dialectical
This contraption will gyrate you vigorously while asking you about sense-certainty, the super-sensible, and collective consciousness.
Yes, James Bond Did Disarm You With Considerable Ease, But You’re Still a Valued Member of This Organization!
You almost get your revolver out fast enough to subdue James Bond, and show everyone that experience counts more than a dearth of love handles.
My Week as an Assistant to Andy Warhol During the “Oxidation” Series
Wednesday: After pissing out 6 cups of coffee, 8 cups of orange juice, and a bottle of Gatorade, I collapsed in a state of near catatonia.
A Guide to Nonthreatening Celtic Symbols
Circle With A Line: A symbol which has negative connotations, thanks to the Ghostbusters. If you put this on a face, it could be seen as “cancelling.”
Reasons Why I Didn’t Come To Your Improv Show
I went back in time and it was there that Lin-Manuel asked me to help him with his play Hamlet or something that starts with the letter H.
New Weed Strains for Everyday Stress Relief
"Pinebrook Elementary Concert featuring Miss Doherty’s 3rd-grade choir singing a 2-hour rendition of The Pirates of Penzance" [THC: 34%]