I See Something in Your Past, Present, Future, or Not At All
The name starts with an A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N---yes, I see you nodded in agreement---I mean my psychic premonitions confirmed it.
Tag: Arts
Christmas Gifts for the “Creative” in Your Life
For the Improviser: If you’re looking to give a gift that lasts, offer them $450 to never improvise again.
The Joy of Painting Advanced Weapons Systems
Painting’s fantastic, because over the years, we know of hundreds of aircraft taken out by Stingers. And we’ve painted many, many, many of them.
We Were Young and in Love and It Was Nuclear Winter
After beating that mutant horde, do you remember how we just couldn't go any further and decided to picnic atop the fallen corpses of our enemies?
Notes From Pantone Considering Which Shade of Taupe to Name 2019 Color of the Year
Bereft Muskrat: “Too hopeful.” “Muskrats evoke something too adorable to be considered appropriate for 2019, even if they are bereft.”
Help! There’s a Ghost in My Apartment and It Keeps Talking About the Same Three “Office” Episodes
I can’t get any sleep. Everywhere I go in my apartment the ghost follows me and keeps saying, “Remember the part…” and “What about when…”
How to Peg Your Partner: A Step-by-Step Guide
After the kids are asleep and your partner has put the Kindle aside, remark on the lack of sexual activity between the two of you. Your partner yawns.
Night at the Museum: Constitutional Crisis
Twenty-first Amendment (Abolition of Prohibition) This former frat-bro is a highly functioning alcoholic. Currently a member of the federal judiciary.
So You’re Hiding From Your Family in the Bathroom During Thanksgiving
Yum, I hope that unfiltered tap water and internalized judgement from your mother tastes great!
Your Horoscope Based on the Demon That Has Possessed Your Body
Once again it is that time of year when the hosts of Solvil go absolutely crazy. Everyone has that time of year where they just lose control!
DMs to a Young Influencer
I’m not ignoring your DMs, young influencer, it’s that I am seeing what content-oceans you swim to on your own. With isolation comes solitude.
’80s & ’90s Pop Anthems Updated for 2018
“Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey: "Just a small town girl living in a lonely world/She’ll drive your Uber from here to anywhere"