Transcript of Zeus’s Personal Rebranding Meeting to Address Bestiality Concerns
"We want to create a more human Zeus. Relatable, powerful, and, most importantly, someone your worshippers can imagine sleeping with."
Tag: Arts
I Feel Like I Didn’t Really Take Advantage of Tom Petty as Much as I Should Have While He Was Still Alive
Here we are, only weeks into the part of my life when I remembered who Tom Petty was, and he was taken from me. Or should I say, that I was taken from him.
An Open Letter to My Neighbors Who Insist on Hanging a Scary Clown Decoration from a Tree Over the Sidewalk Every October
I'm not going to say that the clown is FRIGHTENING, since I'm an adult and being afraid of a Halloween decoration would be silly. But take it down, ok?
Top 5 Books to Pretend You’ve Read
Minimal effort to appear as smart as possible to your coworkers, fellow cigarette smokers at a party, parents, and strangers’ cats.
4 Fall Looks That Say “I’m Sweating, Because It’s Still Summer”
Fall officially starts on September 21st, but why should that stop you from breaking out all your cute fall clothing? Oh yeah, you're burning up.
A Letter of Recommendation Template for Men Struggling to Date
After I wrote my friend Dave a letter of recommendation, his dating dry spell ended immediately. Now I'm giving you permission to use the same template!
10 Life Lessons I Learned from Paul Verhoeven Movies
Thanks to Showgirls, young women learned that contrary to outdated societal prejudice, exotic dancing can be a highly rewarding career path, especially in an ailing economy.
Just as Mark Zuckerberg Had to Drop Out of Harvard, I Too Must Drop Out of This Pottery Class
I know this decision has alienated a lot of people. And I'm sorry I shattered Bethany's clay pot on the floor while calling her "talentless swine" the other week.
Our Dissident Art Needs Continued NEA Support to Expose the Meaningless Striving of People with Regular Jobs
In-your-face artists who reject truth and beauty (but will never clean up their own mess) deserve federal support because they are more creative than you.
How to Step Up Your DIY Game This Summer
Are you tired of throwing the same party year after year, with the same decorations and spread from 2002? Try these five modern alternatives.
Help! I’m Trying to Find a Dubstep Version of the Musical “Wicked,” But Every Time I Google “Wicked Dubstep” I Just Get Really Badass Dubstep
Dear Broadway.com, sorry to bother you, but I’ve got a serious problem. Every time I Google the phrase “Wicked dubstep” I just get a bunch of awesome dubstep songs.
What Your Favorite Children’s Book Characters Are Up To Now
When the Magic School Bus Program was canceled due to budget cuts, Ms. Frizzle took the opportunity to retire.