A Year of No
A friend finds an aggressive dog hiding under a car. She asks if we will take him in temporarily. I know I need to swallow my fear, so I say yes.
Tag: Arts
Open Up and Say “Ariana Grande”
He then directed me to look at the 2019 Coachella poster. “It’s the perfect tool for measuring your Cool levels. It works just like an eye chart.”
All the Reasons No One Attends Your Open Mic
Your open mic is in the gap between worlds, accessible only to the chosen, the mad, and people you like. So, it’s kind of a booked open mic.
Introducing the Apple Car
That hood and the entire car frame is made out of Gorilla Glass, the material you smudge every day and crack every other week on your iPhone screen.
Prescriptions for Thy Modern Maladies From Me, A Plague Doctor
Phone Addiction: In the pocket where ye usually keep your phone, keep instead a hairy, spindle-shanked, venomous spider. Incur bites until cured.
Your Aunty Linda’s a Creative Now, Too
I order Café Olés now in neighboring towns (to get away from all the darn-doodlin’ neighbors clouding my rediscovered creative energy!)
Alternatives to “Shakespeare in the Park”
Enjoy public performances like "George Bernard Shaw on a Precariously-Balanced Manhole Cover" and "David Mamet in the Penn Station Bathrooms."
Welcome to Camp Sunshine! Please Read Our 2019 Camp Policies
Camp Sunshine opens its doors at 8:55 every morning. Please drive carefully because although we have 125 campers, we only have 11 legal parking spots.
I Am a Dad in a Kohl’s Father’s Day Ad
I’m smiling so big because I can’t wait to bite into these steaks. Just kidding! I’m a vegetarian but that doesn’t poll well with our target audience.
False Starts to My New Noir Novel
Mother slapped me. She was a former NYPD detective, eighty-eight years old and in the early stages of dementia.
A Slate of Upcoming Films From the Producers Who Brought You “Long Shot”
When Allisyn awakens in his bedroom filled with Reservoir Dogs posters and empty Gatorade bottles, she’s charmed. Starring Gal Gadot and Seth Rogen.
Incomplete Drafts of My Cover Letter for a Summer Internship
Dear Joan, I looked up your name on LinkedIn---because that’s how much I care about this job. I seriously need you to hire me.