Birthday Asshole Syndrome
Aside from the presents, and (if you're lucky enough to be Mexican) piñatas, the main benefit of having a birthday is the right to act like an entitled asshole.
Tag: Bang for Your Buck
Campaign Theme Countdown
America’s bipartisan political system might be driving a wedge into the national identity, so you need to know what to put on your iPod on Election Day.
Operation Sodomize Casper
Having assembled a ghost-hunting kit MacGyver would cheerfully endorse, I staked out a position for a long night of observation, and hopefully, ghost-punching.
Languages I Hate
Hating other races is not OK, but finding amusement in their quirks is at least defensible. I know a bit about languages and I have an axe to grind with a lot of them.
Extreme Sports World Tour
All nations, with the possible exception of Switzerland, can lay claim to some retardedly dangerous activity. Here's a look at 4 of the most ridiculous ones.
The Wind in My Sales
Selling things is difficult, and it eats away at your soul like John Madden with a bag of Doritos. But, if you can stand it, sales pays handsomely.
Crock Lobster
The day will come when you, too, will have to take the mega-seafood hit to the wallet in order to have sex with your girlfriend: THE LOBSTER.
Seven Classic Movie Archetypes
An in-depth examination of The Sidekick, The Femme Fatale, and the Mad Scientist movie archetypes in order to determine if they have any basis in reality.
What’s In a Name?
Everyone wants a cool nickname, but you don't get to decide what people call you. Just be glad they're calling at all, Mortimer!
Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Colder
If your girlfriend is being anal about abstinence, there's no use going through the ins and outs with her. Go knock up someone else.
Color Me Bloodly
A gritty detective story with twists, turns, and a plot speeding along so out of control it could only have been written by 6 people on meth.
The Book of Jobs: A Working Testament
The secret to a successful career is doing what you love. Unfortunately, blowjobs don't pay nearly as much as jobs that blow.