Surprising New Rules for Major League Baseball’s COVID-19 Season
If both opponents' Designated Epidemiologists agree that it will aid in player immunity, MLB will allow injections of anabolic steroids.
Tag: Baseball
As the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, My Job Is to Give Fans Exactly What They Want: As Little Baseball as Possible
I've been accused of only looking out for the owners, which is patently false. The products—I mean players!—are my absolute top priority
My Only Job Option Is to Play Professional Baseball
There's no better job out of college than playing in the MLB. Great pay, fame, and most of the time you’re standing around and not doing anything.
Diary Entries from the Season Bob Dylan Coached My Son’s Little League Team
Instead of wearing baseball caps, Coach Dylan has all the kids wearing these weird old hats he found at a garage sale.
New Analytics for Baseball’s Post-Cheating-Scandal Era
xBB/PPInn(Astros-VPonly): Number of beanballs or brushbacks per game vs. Astros hitters thrown by pitchers who pitched against Houston in 2017-19.
Excerpt from “Norse Mythology for Bostonians: A Transcription of the Impudent Edda”
Brady: Known as Balder & nicknamed the White or the Beautiful, Brady is the most attractive of the gods, and most popular since he started playing QB.
I Caught My Husband Crying While Cutting Onions. That’s Why I’m Leaving Him
The man who I had married, the man who I’d seen get into a shoving match with a JV baseball coach, had become something unrecognizable.
Prosaic Texts from My Single Dad
Redoing my will tomorrow. I may need your social security number. Don’t text it! / I just watched Get Out. Excellent.
Modern Scares You’ll Encounter in a 2019 Haunted House
You flee down hallways. Everywhere, people are being NICE to each other! They jump out from the darkness, only to grab other people in huge hugs!
Who Do You Like More, the Country or the Hispanics?
ROUND 1 The Country: Gave us Major League Baseball The Hispanics: Gave us Big Papi Winner: The Hispanics
Baseball Fans Struck by Foul Thoughts While Just Trying to Enjoy a Ballgame
The crowd exploded, and it hit me: the game is going into extra innings, and I’m going to have to endure another four torturous years of Trump.
I Fixed My Relationship by Registering My Boyfriend as an Emotional Support Animal
Brandon must now provide me with affection and companionship under penalty of Federal prosecution.