Warrior: I Voted in a Middle School Gym During a 6th Grade Basketball Game
I took an “I Voted” sticker and slapped it on. The anti-participation trophy faction in the stands booed this profusely.
Tag: Basketball
This Halftime Locker Room Speech Seems as Good a Time as Any to Confess to My Killing Spree
If we look back to the mistakes, the failures, the death mask grimaces of the asphyxiated faces we’ve left behind, then we’ll never move on.
NBA Scouting Reports of Famous Historical Figures
Jesus Christ brings a robust following as well as the ability to do some pretty amazing things off the court.
A Guide to Discussing March Madness from a Man Who Just Wants to Fit In at Work
When someone mentions "that Marquette shot from '97," nod and say something noncommittal like, "Hoo yeah, that ol' can of worms!"
People Talking About Dentist Appointments the Way They Talk About Basketball
Dr. Pacini’s always been good, but now he’s got the best hygienists in the business. They’re a root canal dream team.
No, I Didn’t Name My Child Michael Jordackson So He’d Aspire for Greatness as an NBA Player or World-Renowned Musician
I just happen to like the smooth sound of “Michael Jordackson.” It’s got a nice ring to it.
Proposed Rules Changes to the NBA
- Third quarter is the "tickle quarter" - Allow players to wear leather jackets for more "dangerous" vibe
Questions I Had While Attending My Second Basketball Game, After My First Basketball Game Was the One That Air Bud Played In
How many fouls does each player get? Do dogs get the same number of fouls? How much longer until the dogs come out?
After Yet Another Workplace Accident, NASA Is Banning the Following Basketball Moves
Projections show that if the current situation is allowed to continue without intervention, the vibes at NASA could reach weird levels.
I Won My Office’s March Madness Bracket in 2019, and with These Tricks, You Can Too
Pick teams with orange as one of their colors. Orange doesn’t rhyme with anything, and neither does victory.
A Sweet Sixteen of Things More Likely to Happen to You Than Picking a Perfect March Madness Bracket
Your next tweet will go viral, attracting the attention of your biggest celebrity crush and leading to a passionate affair. (1 in 40.3 billion)
The Last Beacon of Basketball Purity: Middle School Asthmatic Boys
They don't even have numbers on their uniforms. They just have plain, ill-fitting husky tees donated by the Knights of Columbus.