Best of Year | Page 3 | Points in Case

Tag: Best of Year

I’ve been told that the back of my head is so soft, it's like those $10 holiday blankets you get at Target.

Wait, no, maybe it was his wife who killed his business partner? I don’t know-- someone died, is the gist of it.

I will not condemn this man to death until this jury promises to come see my band this weekend.

And God said, “Let there be great music so none of them talk to each other,” and there was a DJ who worked in finance but DJed on the side.

Atheists say there are no higher powers, but the first time you see a Neptoid’s sponges you’ll realize atheists don’t know shit.

Whoever wins announces total dominion over all of humanity and also, they get to go first the next round.

I had been changed into the hideous Mister Jekyll. That’s right... I WAS NO LONGER A DOCTOR!!!

I’m sorry you have broader personal or political issues you haven’t resolved, but those have nothing to do with the ways I’ve been killing you guys.

I decide not to say “please” or “thank you” and I’m immediately pummeled to death by a diner waitress.