I Am a Character in a Dystopian Novel, and I Think Your World Kind of Sucks
To be fair, at least you know your “vote” counts as much as everyone else’s, whereas in our system---Wait, the electoral what?!
Tag: Books
Please Hire Me to Be Your Gatsby Party’s Nick Carraway
In a corner with a martini covering 75% of my face, I can weave an intricate tapestry of all the backroom drama unfolding behind closed doors.
Five Best End-Of-Year Listicles to Distract from Your Deepening Existential Crisis
Fifty Best Books of the 2010s: Uh-oh, might as well skip this listicle. We both know you didn’t read fifty books in the 2010s.
Democratic Politicians Narrate “Moby Dick”
Bernie Sanders: Call me whatever name you want. At the end of the day, I am the only sailor who has the guts to fight for real change on this ship.
What to Get the Person Who Has Everything
The Multi-Millionaire: They have it all. The husband, the mansion, the coke addiction. What could you, their friend in low places, get them?
Old-Fashioned Ways to Meet Someone, for the Modern Day
Using the Instagram photos you got at the wedding, pick your poison: "does improv," "romantic photos with sibling," or "talks a lot about sneakers."
After Watching These Debates, Am I the Only One Who Doesn’t Really Care Who Takes the Ring to Mordor?
Men of Gondor can afford to discuss this ad nauseum, because even under Sauron’s rule you’d be fine, because, let’s face it, you’ve always been fine.
God Submits a Query Letter for His First Draft of the Bible to the Goodman & Forsythe Literary Agency in New York
We appreciate you allowing Goodman & Forsythe the opportunity to review your fantasy novel, Bible. Unfortunately, it is not right for us at this time.
Characters I Assume Are in Little Women
Tuppin Yerp - A rascal! Most days you can find him by the creek, fishing rod in one hand and slingshot in the other.
Republican Senators Question Mother Goose During the Impeachment Hearings of Fairy Tale Villains
I’m looking over the transcript between the sea witch and the Little Mermaid and I don’t see the words "squid pro quo" anywhere.
“Goodnight Loser” and Other Rejected Children’s Stories
Where Are They Now? Ghosts and Their Families / We Hate Each Other, Not You / The Illustrated Book of Lost Pets
I’m an ENFJ, Unless You Factor in How I’ve Acted over the Last 20 Years
If we should be in the elevator together I'll be looking at my phone the whole time, but that's just because I have so many friends to keep up with.