I’m Marie Fucking Kondo and You Can Keep All Your Fucking Books, You Ingrates
When I said I personally liked having 30 books in my house, I meant it because that's what I like. It was a fucking suggestion, not a threat.
Tag: Books
Painfully Honest L.L. Bean Product Descriptions for Urbanites
What kind of monster doesn’t enjoy flannel? As blue gingham is to spring and summer, flannel is to your fall and winter Tinder photos.
The Universe Tells Me
I doubt it would cook up an abundance of hate to overpower the abundance of love. It would be so not like the universe to fuck with abundance.
You Won’t Believe the Names of Charles Dickens’ Top Five Male Porn Stars
A live sex show performer, Thack Pour typically festooned his lithe body with corsets and cummerbunds of various sizes and quality.
An Amazon Warehouse Worker’s Year-In-Review Analytics
Suicides contemplated: 24 That’s 2 better than last year. Thank God we re-installed the AC. AMZN Note: EMPLOYEES WHO COMMIT SUICIDE WILL BE TERMINATED
A People’s History of My Failed Marriage
Power concedes nothing without demand, Janet. No longer will you say that I drank seven guitargaritas at the Tampa Hard Rock Hotel & then wet myself.
An Oral History of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, According to the Whos
I admit, I'd never met a non-Who before, and at the time I was a little nervous to have him in my inn. I locked the door to my room that night.
Christmas Letter from the Millers
When not studying, Teddy enjoys playing with action figures despite the fact that he's a grown man. Johnny, my feral child, fathered a couple of kids.
Updating Christmas Stories and Songs for the Modern World
"It’s A Wonderful Life": George and Mary’s kids, Pete, Janie, Tommy, and Zuzu, all die because George and Mary refused to have them vaccinated.
A Cormac McCarthy Character Goes Christmas Shopping at Costco
I hope I don't have to use the revolver, but this is Costco—godless territory where wild men purchase two-gallon tins of popcorn on any given day.
Christmas Gifts for the “Creative” in Your Life
For the Improviser: If you’re looking to give a gift that lasts, offer them $450 to never improvise again.
How Can We Be Expected to Fear the Grinch If He’s Never Even Taken a Man’s Life: An Editor’s Note to Dr. Seuss
Nobody just carves a roast beast like that. Not without training. This guy has combat skills. Probably ex-marine gone rogue. Let’s see him in action.