I’ll Put Whatever the Hell I Want in the Little Free Library
Don’t tell me the information in 1982’s Encyclopedia Olympia is outdated! Granted, Yugoslavia’s not a country anymore, but...
Tag: Books
How to Avoid Spoilers to the Book You’ll Never Read
Reading this book is your white whale, and avoiding spoilers is the rope wrapped around your neck, just like at the end of Moby Dick.
Your College English Class, An Introduction to Monetizable I.P.
Students will become acquainted with works of literary importance—or as we refer to them, “leverageable assets with income producing potential.”
A Message from the Book You Just Claimed to Have Read
Just because I’m an essay collection does not mean you get to neglect a third of my chapters and count me toward your summer Goodreads goal.
I May Be an Ivy League-Educated Novelist, but the Denim Work Shirt in My Author’s Photo Says I’m Working Class
Whenever the sincerity of my work is doubted, I always point to my author’s photo as evidence of a life lived.
Book Jacket Testimonials or British Kennel Club Breed Standards?
Warm and wide-ranging and wise, a wonderful companion. Plenty of substance but free of clumsiness. Neither cloddy nor cobby.
Sherlock Holmes, Observational Comic
You ever notice how in Los Angeles the dirt is a brownish-red color, but in New York it’s a reddish-brown color?
Introducing Claritin-UB: The Only Allergy Medication for Used Bookstores
The haunted attic-tested formula will have you back to browsing through buttermilk-colored paperbacks in as few as 30 minutes.
Please Ban My Book, I Need the Exposure
Presales numbers are important to publishers, and a high-profile banishment is the 2024 version of an Oprah’s Book Club Sticker.
Increasingly Obvious Titles for Young Adult Thrillers
I Didn’t Kill Jillian, Per Se, But I Am Indirectly Responsible for Her Death and While It Haunts Me, I Am Still a Redeemable Character
I’m William Shakespeare and I Wrote All Those Famous Lines Because They Would Look Really Cool on Fridge Magnets
But all that really matters is how you can sell a bunch of kitchen knives on Etsy by starting a company called "Julius Caesar Knives."
Mad Libs for a Best-Selling Romantasy Epic
Now, there was another creature I longed to ride, ____________ [normal man’s name except all vowels replaced with Ys].