Middle-Earth Elves are a Bunch of Assholes
The farting, the boozing, the singing, the lamenting... good grief, what a bunch of lazy, pretentious midgets with nothing to do but stir up drama.
Tag: Books
Titles for Young Adult Novels Once Their Protagonists Reach Their 20’s
The reasons why you never hear from famous saga characters after their adventures are over.
If Authors of Children’s Books Had Succumbed to the Dystopian Fiction Craze
In "Green Eggs and Radioactive Lambs" an isolated town's chickens have died and the few remaining eggs have turned green. Eat these pitiful creatures or starve?
Top 5 Books to Pretend You’ve Read
Minimal effort to appear as smart as possible to your coworkers, fellow cigarette smokers at a party, parents, and strangers’ cats.
An Open Letter to My Agent on Why I’m Done Writing Erotica
I know I've been the best selling erotica author for the past decade, but Diane has been up my ass lately, and Billy is almost four now. Time to move away from lust.
How Great was Gatsby? My Book Report on The Great Gatsby
The cover of the book you gave us features a woman's face crying in the sky. Great men, even in the 1920's, probably aren't sexist enough to make women cry.
How to Make Comedy Writing Story Hooks Out of People at Your Day Job
Interesting people make for the best comedy writing hooks, so you need a steady influx of new faces, characters and setups. That's why you get a day job to be a better writer.
Revealing Excerpts From Winnie the Pooh’s Diary
June 17: Eeyore finally offed himself. We all knew it was coming, and what did we do? Did nothing, sed nothing. I shood have been a better friend. I shood have been there fore him.
If I Was as Good at Writing Query Letters as I Am Picking Up Chicks at a Bar
I know you have people knocking down your door to have you read stuff. That's why I propose the opposite: I want to read my book to you. Would you like that, Susan?
Can You Guess These Classic Novels in Clickbait Form?
You won't BELIEVE the one CRAZY book your senior English teacher will make you read. Read the clickbait, guess the novel! (Answers included!)
The Dewey Decimal System: Updated for 2017
Instagram Captions (formerly known as "Poetry"). More often than not just prose with unconventional line breaks.
What Your Favorite Children’s Book Characters Are Up To Now
When the Magic School Bus Program was canceled due to budget cuts, Ms. Frizzle took the opportunity to retire.