The Everyday Life of a Young Male Novelist
Once dressed, I sit at my desk and say a quick prayer to Dionysus. Then I take hold of the mighty pen and let his spirit take hold of my body.
Tag: Books
Your Writer’s Block Needs You to Cut the Crap
The Next Great American Novel won’t be written by a 27-year-old with clear braces and a Deathly Hallows tattoo.
Dear Mr. Trump, We Regret to Inform You That We are Unable to Publish Any of Your Manuscript Submissions
Regarding your autobiography, "The Real Mr. T: I Pity the Fool Who Wears Gold-Plated," this was a hard one for us, but regrettably, we have to pass.
A Sneak Peek at R.L. Stine’s Newest Goosebumps Book
Goosebumps books have captivated young readers for generations. Here's a sample from the latest entry in the beautifully written series.
The Donald J. Trump Presidential Library Yacht Puts All Others to Shame
More visitors than Reagan's! Fewer tears than Kennedy's! Less graffiti than Bush's! The Donald J. Trump Presidential library is legit on fleet.
Middle-Earth Elves are a Bunch of Assholes
The farting, the boozing, the singing, the lamenting... good grief, what a bunch of lazy, pretentious midgets with nothing to do but stir up drama.
Titles for Young Adult Novels Once Their Protagonists Reach Their 20’s
The reasons why you never hear from famous saga characters after their adventures are over.
If Authors of Children’s Books Had Succumbed to the Dystopian Fiction Craze
In "Green Eggs and Radioactive Lambs" an isolated town's chickens have died and the few remaining eggs have turned green. Eat these pitiful creatures or starve?
Top 5 Books to Pretend You’ve Read
Minimal effort to appear as smart as possible to your coworkers, fellow cigarette smokers at a party, parents, and strangers’ cats.
An Open Letter to My Agent on Why I’m Done Writing Erotica
I know I've been the best selling erotica author for the past decade, but Diane has been up my ass lately, and Billy is almost four now. Time to move away from lust.
How Great was Gatsby? My Book Report on The Great Gatsby
The cover of the book you gave us features a woman's face crying in the sky. Great men, even in the 1920's, probably aren't sexist enough to make women cry.
How to Make Comedy Writing Story Hooks Out of People at Your Day Job
Interesting people make for the best comedy writing hooks, so you need a steady influx of new faces, characters and setups. That's why you get a day job to be a better writer.