I’d Love to Join Your Book Club on the Following Conditions
When it’s my turn to choose the book and I pick a trashy romance novel, no members can audibly sigh or give off any sense of smug superiority.
Tag: Books
Dodging Neighbors with Ernest Hemingway
All you have to do is have one true hiding place. Find the truest hiding place you know.
I Hath Avenged Thy Foul and Most Unnatural Murder, But I Am Still in a Fairly Bad Place Myself
‘Twas something of a bloodbath, all told, but was this not what thou asked for? Well, Happy Father’s Day.
Sweeping the Floor with Sylvia Plath
Take a breath and listen to the brag of the dust mites—I am, I am, I am. But you want them to be not.
Tools of Titans: The Douchier Bits
Grab a vegan smoothie, plunge your feet into a bucket of ice, and allow yourself, like an eager guppy, to be reeled in by Tim Ferriss.
Plot Summaries of Unpublished Monster Novels by Nobel Laureates
J. M. Coetzee: A boy who may or may not be Jesus battles racist zombies. Jean-Paul Sartre: Lucifer tricks a man into ordering a bad batch of escargots.
Niccolò Machiavelli Reviews Children’s Books
Charlotte’s Web: After reading this pathetic book, I threw it from the top of the Duomo, where it landed upon and killed a Political Realist.
DMs to a Young Influencer
Collabs; more inexpressible than all is the subtle brand selfie, mysterious partnerships, the life of which, while ours passes away, endures.
Dracula Regrets Opening Up His Marriage
I was the one who asked for it, and I had a lot of success at first: one, two, three! Three brides! Ah, ah, ah!
You Think Your Year Was Bad? The Peach I’ve Been Living In for Over 20 Years Just Rotted
“James, how did it get to this point?” I don’t know. I noticed some mold a while back, but nothing more aggressive than the average moist home.
Proper Dental Hygiene with JRR Tolkien
The journey begins in 465 of the First Age, before the birth of Tuor, son of Huor, with three methods, given to the lords of the brush.
Celebrity Sequels to “Eat, Pray, Love”
Andrew Cuomo: Intimidate, Inoculate, Incriminate Ted Bundy: Marry, Fuck, Kill Hamlet: Be, Not Be, Wonder Lil Nas X: Yee, Haw, Satan-Worship