You Don’t Understand, If I Use This Turn Signal My Car Will Explode
The very moment I use my turning signal I will be blasted sky-high. You can imagine the headache this has brought upon me.
Tag: Cars
Un-Pimp My Ride
You programmed the screens to only play "The Fast and the Furious"—my favorite movie... in 2006.
Google Maps Directions for a Parent with a Screaming Baby in the Backseat
In 200 feet, check the mirror to ensure your child hasn’t escaped the car seat like a little Gen Alpha Houdini.
I Am the Finance Director at the Car Dealership and I Welcome You into My Cramped Windowless Office
I’m here to take away, bogeyman-style, all the excitement that you had when you walked into my small windowless office of torture.
Peekaboo, It’s Me, the Asshole Driving in Your Blindspot
Those crashing car sensor lights that have been flashing in your side mirror for 12 miles now? That’s all me, man.
I Made Some Educated Guesses on This Guide to Trucker Slang
10-4: Truckers believe that it is bad luck to say the number 40 because this was the number of years the Israelites wandered in the desert.
How to Talk to Your Friend Who Is a Bad Driver
Instead of focusing on what the driver hit (a tree), or nearly hit (another tree), remember to notice the things they didn’t hit.
Save Money on Your Next Ride with Uber’s Bargain Bin!
Shaniqua is a life coach. When she asks, “What’s your destination?” she doesn’t mean on this trip; she’s talking about your life’s journey.
Our Neighborhood Watch Is Just a Guy Holding a Plastic Bag Watching Women Parallel Park
We dispatch a man with a plastic bag (full of loose Arizona iced teas) to stare at her so hard she gets the dry sweats.
To Whomever Stole My 2007 Volvo XC70: You Have Made a Terrible Mistake
Consider that if you had stolen a different car (like my neighbor’s Prius, as an arbitrary example) and left mine unharmed.
Uncle Steve’s Offensive Driving Course for Young Drivers: A Syllabus
Course Materials/Payment: Double Baconator with large fry OR Pack of cigs (Camel preferred) OR 6-pack of Miller Lite
I Thought I Was Reporting a Simple Story About Pothole Repairs—I Couldn’t Believe I Was Right
If there wasn’t something more to it, I would be pretty bored and not have a good shot at turning it into a series of Pulitzer Prize-winning articles.