How to Network (With Your Parents) in Hollywood
With famous parents, you have the advantage of not needing to beat around the bush and pretend to be considerate of their feelings; you can just ask them for a job!
Tag: Celebs
This Fearless Cover Letter Almost Got Me Hired By Bill Gates
You know what I see when I look at you, Bill Gates? I see a guy who didn't need Networking Parties to build his empire. I see a guy who looks like me, except a bit toadish.
That Episode of Fox & Friends the Other Day was So Good
My favorite show, after The Apprentice of course, is Fox & Friends. I was watching an episode the other day, so good, so much about me, had to make a speech about it here.
The iPhone 43 is Finally Here
Tim Cook's voice sounded almost dreamlike as it reverberated off the pillars and buttresses of the repurposed superchurch that served as Apple's Announcement Pod.
What the Dogs in the Sarah McLachlan Commercial Really Think
Every so often, abused dogs invade your television screen soundtracked by Sarah McLachlan's ubiquitous "In the Arms of an Angel." These are their stories.
Leaked Audio Transcript of Tom Hanks Celebrating the 23rd Anniversary of “Forrest Gump” on Magic Mushrooms
Disturbing and introspective audio from Tom Hanks' handheld recorder, sent to me anonymously in the form of time-stamped .wav files.
10 Life Lessons I Learned from Paul Verhoeven Movies
Thanks to Showgirls, young women learned that contrary to outdated societal prejudice, exotic dancing can be a highly rewarding career path, especially in an ailing economy.
I Don’t Know If I Should Start Watching Game of Thrones, Or If I Should Let George R.R. Martin Out of This Chokehold
I don't get what the big deal is about this "once-in-a-generation phenomenon." How good could it really be? Also, should I kill George R.R. Martin?
Other Things Jared Kushner Looks Too Young For
Jared can come to the gym if he's supervised by an adult, but otherwise, all that big, heavy machinery makes it too scary of a place for a fella like Jared.
Dear Elon Musk, When Will AI Let Me Force Choke My Disobedient Children?
When will your muscle movement bracelets become widespread? And more importantly, will I be able to fit my children with them before I am driven to insanity?
Feelin’ the Burn! I Tried Carrie Underwood’s New Leg Workout and My Father is Still Dead
I can see the results in the tone of my legs, and the guilt of being 100% responsible for the pontoon boat accident that took my father's life is now an easier cross to bear.
I Draw Him Naked First, To Preserve His Purity (By Dilbert Creator Scott Adams)
Before my pen even outlines his dirty, filthy Dilbert clothing, I draw the Dilbert naked first. To preserve his essence. To preserve his purity.