Tough Conversations with My Mechanic Bruce Springsteen
Bruce: With this very unpleasin' sneezin' and wheezin, she’s revved up like a deuce. Me: Layman’s terms? Bruce: It’s totaled.
Tag: Celebs
Why I, D-List Hollywood Actor, Should Be the Keynote Speaker for Your Tech Conference
Instead of giving your employees bonuses, wouldn't it be better to hire me to list off my Wikipedia page for an hour?
6 Reasons Why Ryan Reynolds Is the Antichrist from Revelation
The leopard with the feet of a bear and the mouth of a lion is an obvious reference to Ryan Reynolds' dashing good looks.
Pig-Pen Dishes the Dirt on the Peanuts Gang
It’s the story of one man’s life of tears and anguish, obscured by a drawn-on smile and a perennial cloud of dirt.
So I Caught You Trying to Sneak an Ice Sculpture Through Security. Again.
I can see that you've just put sunglasses on him. No, you're not allowed to "Weekend at Bernie's" an ice sculpture.
15 Things Your WASP Mother-In-Law and Paris Hilton Have in Common
- They both went to boarding school - They wish people would just calm down about the socioeconomic divide
Advice for Dealing with the Stranger (Nicolas Cage?) Living in Your Walls
Install a shower in there so he’s not hogging your family’s only bathroom while you sleep. His hair is always getting clogged in the drain.
Immersive Artist Experiences Other than Van Gogh
Monet: You’re admiring the haystacks painted on the walls when suddenly the room fills with pastel-tinted water.
Parasocial Security Will Take Care of Your Favorite Aging Celebrities
Instead of throwing your funds away on selfish pursuits, this new program ensures your precious headcanon stays intact.
Gordon Ramsay Reviews Your Valentine’s Day Date
I suppose oysters are a noted aphrodisiac, but even those could never overpower the terrifying sight of your lover’s haircut.
The 10 Commandments (Taylor’s Version)
2. (Taylor’s Version) Thou shalt not throw shade on my name or thy will face the wrath of hundreds of vengeful Swifites online.
So Your Mom’s Dating Pete Davidson
Q: Do I have to call Pete Davidson "Dad"? A: No one will ever replace your biological father, but Pete Davidson will be around to keep your mom company.