Children | Page 13 | Points in Case

Tag: Children

Candy Corn --- I may look like I’m relatively young, but I’m actually a centenarian trapped inside a younger body.

You come into possession of 12-25 sample eye creams. Every few weeks you get another one. How do they get there? What do they do? No one knows.

I love to kick back and escape my many problems by throwing on some real archival footage of a man who horrifically murdered his entire family.

Tear open an envelope. If you discover a dollar bill, you’re having a boy! If there’s only 81 cents inside, a girl is on her way!

Fund your retirement account - The best time to start investing is when you’re born. The second best time is when you’re completely potty-trained.

You have a toddler; we have a dwindling supply of troops for a little ongoing altercation with neighboring trolls. Let’s help each other!

“57 Varieties of Courage” Velveeta pulled her long red hair, the robust shade of Heinz ketchup, under a hood before leaving for the morning hunt.

Let’s band together like the professional basketball players and astronauts we want to be and save the world. Listen up, I got a game plan here.

Are you sinister enough? Do you relish the insulin whiplash of your grand-twit's metabolism as he devours a Werther’s Originals from your hand?

Co-founders, Mom & Pop LLC: You nurtured MY LIFE from wobbly startup to self-sustaining enterprise, and you’ll agree that it has paid dividends.

For example, our description page should have read, “Lull yourself to sleep to the haunting cry of lions echoing across the lake.”

Watch “Multiplication, Division, and YOU!” There is no link, so you, a third-grader, will need to do a Google video search and hope for the best.