Why I Decided My Housekeeper-Nanny-Therapist Doesn’t Deserve a Holiday Bonus
Ever since our housekeeper-nanny-therapist, decided she needed to “protect her mother” during what are her “last days,” things have been a wreck.
Tag: Children
FAQ for Babysitters of Potentially Demonic Children
Playing outdoors can also be fun, but make sure to avoid unsafe areas like large bodies of water or ancient burial grounds.
What to Do if Your Mother Keeps Hinting that You, The One True Begotten Son of God, Should Really Give Her Grandkids Already
Every Chanukah for the past seven years she kept telling you she doesn't want you to buy her anything, with “BUY” and “THING” in air quotes.
Ten Best Toys for Wealthy Tots
Baby's First Oil Field Science Kit – Rebuild a scale model of the oil fields owned by great-great-grandpa Thurston Moneybags III!
Hallo Children, It’s Struwwelpeter from Your Nightmares, and I’m Here to Address My Alleged Filthiness
Edward Scissorhands is a revered cultural icon and I'm just a smelly, obscure German freak. The hypocrisy is unreal.
Winter Soups That Will Give Your Kids Something to Cry About
One week of these scared straight soups and your offspring will be begging for another Allrecipes "Easy Cheesy Noodle Family-Friendly Casserole."
Franz Kafka’s Bar Mitzvah Speech
The theme of my Bar Mitzvah is “Lying awake at night, your face slick with sweat, drowning in a pool of your own despair.”
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids Again, And This Time I’m Not Unshrinking Them until You Promise Not to Leave Me
Don’t worry, I’ve left them with enough food to last several weeks, which in this case is a bottle cap of water and a couple of croutons.
My Mom Ages Beautifully; I Become More Haggard by the Day
She goes to bed early, after washing her face and applying night serum. I go to bed drunk, after forgetting to brush my teeth or remove my contacts.
You’re Invited to Join Our Exclusive Learning Pod
The secret to surviving homeschool is money. The secret to surviving pandemic parenting is also money.
Getting to Know Your Middle School Student Government Candidates
Harrison has devoted the majority of his campaign to securing a beach-themed winter dance, prompted by his older brother's copy of Girls Gone Wild.
Halloween Candies and the People Who Hand Them Out
Candy Corn --- I may look like I’m relatively young, but I’m actually a centenarian trapped inside a younger body.