Children | Page 14 | Points in Case

Tag: Children

For example, our description page should have read, “Lull yourself to sleep to the haunting cry of lions echoing across the lake.”

Watch “Multiplication, Division, and YOU!” There is no link, so you, a third-grader, will need to do a Google video search and hope for the best.

A well-planned curriculum / Disposable teachers who can be replaced just in case / Pencils / 100% renewable eco-powered Mercedes buses

With the help of a team of epidemiologists and many lawyers, I’m confident you’ll be able to safely watch me play “Last Nite” by The Strokes.

The first of your progeny is not your finest. They’re laden with flaws: entitlement, jealousy, anxiety, and approval-seeking tendencies.

Riker, age 2 Theme: Toy Story Drinks: Miller Lite Damage: The moms nearly caught us dads vaping in the garage.

You’re in no condition to drive. But it would be even more dangerous to let your companion do it.

Deep, deep down, I do miss cleaning the bathroom after my son eats Chipotle’s Super Burrito with extra queso.

Exposed to even one feral child, as many as 22 relatively domesticated children will revert to a state of nature by mid-morning recess.

6. Clothes and Shit -It’s a diaper and not that hard to figure out, for fuck’s sake. -Bedazzling bullshit. -Why the fuck are head holes so small?

Protests are okay but I can't go to the Olive Garden because I use the breadsticks for things that are "objectionable" and "extremely upsetting?"

I cannot believe you had the gall to march into our Farmingdale headquarters, and rather than claim your birthright, insist that you go to college.