Children | Page 16 | Points in Case

Tag: Children

I cannot believe you had the gall to march into our Farmingdale headquarters, and rather than claim your birthright, insist that you go to college.

What does your child do for fun? A) Mescaline. B) Sits quietly while parents read NYT Cooking section. C) Derives enjoyment from pleasing others.

Some people say that sharks take nibbles to satisfy their curiosity. Rest assured, we're coming to bite you because we want to bite you.

What could be more healthy than taking a spelling test while boulders—such as the one that just flattened Senator Constantine—fall from the sky?

Any stick that has touched a rotting carcass or been rotting carcass-adjacent must become part of the permanent collection immediately.

The mortician had examined Mr. Bear’s three major organs: the soft and cuddly organ, the unconditional love organ, and of course, the colon.

Attain Zen. Zen means knowing if you are smiling and crying at once, you are making a rainbow.

Please don’t reopen school. I won’t be able to make it another year with those behemoths suffocating me with their skeevy, pudgy fingers.

Goodnight Moon, Good Morning Historical Materialism – Goodnight conflict theory. Goodnight modes of production. Goodnight lumpenproletariat.

Donald Duck will wear a mask, but still no pants. / All t-shirts reading “I Survived The Tower of Terror!” have been reprinted to read “I Survived!”

No amount of social distancing would save you and your family from the terrifying bacterial grasps of our public pool.

Must project Buddha-like calm, possess mixologist-level cocktail skills, and know when to keep the kids out of my “home office."