I Caught My Husband Crying While Cutting Onions. That’s Why I’m Leaving Him
The man who I had married, the man who I’d seen get into a shoving match with a JV baseball coach, had become something unrecognizable.
Tag: Children
Does This Crippling Existential Dread Make Me Look Fat?
This thing we call "life" is really just a painfully drawn out, cosmic joke. And I can’t tell if that’s what’s causing the bulge around my waistline.
Dear Families That Share Holiday Letters
I noticed that you already posted those vacation photos online, but the evidence of just how wealthy your family is magneted to my fridge is a treat!
Seven Mishaps at Whole Foods That, Looking Back, Were Only Partially My Fault
I didn’t mean to beat my chest and roar, causing that woman to jerk the wheel of her motorized cart into the end cap of pumpkin spice whipped topping.
Your Holiday Guide to Not Supporting Local Artists
Enjoy this quaint seasonal attraction while skillfully dodging pesky shop attendants!
We Need to Discuss Your Son’s Science Fair Project, “Why Do Mommy and Daddy Use Bad Words?”
If, as his poster suggests, your child is exposed to profanity like “dysentery sh*tstream” and “apocalyptic f*ck-tato,” we need to problem-solve.
I’m Your Acoustic Guitar’s Mother and I’m Disgusted with You
He calls me at night. He tells me how it took you months to manage a barely passable F-chord, and how you thought you'd actually achieved something.
Kid Review: Ranking the Carpool Options on the Block
3. Lisa’s dad: Mr. Hardaway is a Lyft driver. Here is what that means: top-notch amenities.
Diary Entry from the Woman in the Peloton Commercial on Her First Day with Her New Bike
I finish my first Peloton class and am so proud of myself I have a small panic attack. You can get panic attacks from joy, right?
Marriage, as Explained by an Alien
A female human getting married will choose her favorite female friends and force them to all wear the same dress for the big day.
Five Netflix Series That Falsely Accuse Me of Taking a Bath with the Chimps at the Zoo
A Chimp-Bather Among Us: This two-part documentary series suggests that on May 7, 2014, I stripped naked and scrubbed myself along with the chimps.
The Children of the Corn Give Thanks for Corn Subsidies
Thanks to the Farm Bill's protections, we can look after our community without having to do the murderous bidding of He Who Walks Behind the Rows.