Five Binge-Worthy Shows That Will Help You Forget You are Wasting Your Summer
"Stranger Things": This coming of age sci-fi romp will take you back to a time when you could actually enjoy summer.
Tag: Children
All the Things I’m Going to Ride Away From Thanks to the Ten Speed I Inherited When My Uncle Died
As I’ve come down with a bad case of wet-ass this summer (medical condition), Marcus could easily catch me and force me to share the bicycle.
Stellar New Trends in Anti-Vaxx Party Planning
Creative new ideas like Swine Flu Pig Roast and Cholera Clambake, for the modern parent who distrusts the Big Pharma but loves to spread Good Karma.
Steven + Madison, Forever
There were so many things I wanted to tell you while I was twelve, and now I’m thirteen and don’t have the balls---I’m all sweaty pits and dry mouth.
How to Break In Your New Hiking Boots
Explain that "Interpretive Trail Hiking" won’t have a steady paycheck and encourage your boots to instead major in "Pre-Backpacking" at Bootiversity.
Dos and Don’ts for Parenting When Your “Uncoupling” Involves His and Hers Restraining Orders
Don't ask loudly and rhetorically "See why I divorced her?" of the shoppers gaping at your unholy hissyfit over her congenital tardiness.
Dear Valued Offspring, Before You Leave for College, Please Take a Moment to Fill Out This Customer Satisfaction Survey About Your Upbringing
How would you rate the attitude of our management team? Overall did they seem motivated and alert?
Never Be Forced to Talk to Your Family Again with Nextdoor’s New App, DownTheHall
Jimmy Silverman (Jimmy’s Room): Was anybody in my room the other night? I heard strange noises coming from my closet and it smelled like bad eggs.
Disney’s Latest Casting Decision is an Assault on our Judeo-Christian Tradition
I’m not angry at Disney. Who among us hasn’t been forced to decide between keeping all stories predictably white or…not doing that? It’s a tough call.
I, The Boogeyman, Think You Should Vaccinate Your Child
What’s the point of locating a family to scare and waiting under a bed, if when I crawl out to scare the kid, they’re not even in there?
Astronaut Caught Masturbating Aboard the ISS Faces New Trouble
I am a man. A normal man with normal needs. Do the whole "walk-a-mile-in-my-shoes" thing. There’s no elbow room here. No privacy.
Passive-Aggressive BuzzFeed Quizzes Written By Your Mom
"Poll: Are you mad at me? Because your sister insinuated some things you might’ve told her about me…"