8 Reasons You Shouldn’t Play God (That Aren’t Some Bullshit About Morality)
Profitability - Market confidence in any sort of synthesized life forms has been steadily declining since the 70s.
Tag: Children
Mitt Romney: The President of the United States Has the Responsibility to At Least Pretend to Be a Good Person
Unlike Trump ushering children into his internment camps, Roosevelt likely said "please" and "thank you" before locking people up because of race.
Due to Unforeseen Circumstances, We Are Ending the “Kids Eat Free If They Can Kick the Manager’s Ass” Special
Doctors have diagnosed me with “early onset droopy ass syndrome,” contracted from getting your butt whooped too many times and is also irreversible
Where I’ll Meet My Soulmate, According to Romantic Comedies
Looking for your perfect man? Try wandering around in the pouring rain, pretending you’re a beautiful lost tourist in need of directions.
I See Something in Your Past, Present, Future, or Not At All
The name starts with an A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N---yes, I see you nodded in agreement---I mean my psychic premonitions confirmed it.
Acceptable Reasons to Wake Up Your Parents in the Middle of the Night
You checked the closet and it wasn’t a monster, it was nine blue goblins. They play poker every Thursday night and they apologized for the noise.
Stop Giving TV Shows Confusing Names and Use My Much Better Ones Instead
"West World" This title could not be more vague. West? World? You’ve lost me. Improved Title: "Beep Boop Yeehaw"
List: Hip Hop Artist or Item Found in Our Pediatrician’s Office?
Lìllèbaby? Big Freedia? Baby Tear$? Is it a French rapper? Or a needlessly complicated baby carrier?
Christmas Letter from the Millers
When not studying, Teddy enjoys playing with action figures despite the fact that he's a grown man. Johnny, my feral child, fathered a couple of kids.
Updating Christmas Stories and Songs for the Modern World
"It’s A Wonderful Life": George and Mary’s kids, Pete, Janie, Tommy, and Zuzu, all die because George and Mary refused to have them vaccinated.
Five People on Your Holiday Shopping List Who Would Want My Copy of “Timesplitters 2”
Your Rabbi: The Talmud teaches many things, but it doesn’t teach how to destroy the attack helicopter on the roof of the “Oblask Dam” level.
How Can We Be Expected to Fear the Grinch If He’s Never Even Taken a Man’s Life: An Editor’s Note to Dr. Seuss
Nobody just carves a roast beast like that. Not without training. This guy has combat skills. Probably ex-marine gone rogue. Let’s see him in action.