Mickey Mouse: I’m Sorry I Hit and Killed Goofy with My Car, My Bad
Mickey, it might be the time to dust off those wizard skills and bring your friend back to life.
Tag: Children
Announcing Our Official Decision Regarding Whether or Not to Have Children
Relatedly, I’m currently embroiled in a legal battle to divorce myself from my siblings to guarantee that I cannot be made an uncle against my will.
Our Startup is Seeking a Full-Time Mortician
Are you the kind of person who carries a casket with a skip in their step? Have you shown enthusiasm for embalming roadkill since a young age?
I Resent the Placenta in My Freezer
I like the idea of burying it next to a tree. But since we can’t even keep the racoons and possums out of the compost bin, that’s not happening.
Ennui Tycoon: Turn Your Melancholy Into Gaming Currency
Make sure the infrastructure of your city is unintuitive and inadequate. Traffic will increase the ennui of your citizens.
Mrs. Malone’s 4th Grade Math Quiz
Tamber excavates 1 skeleton. He recognizes its bone structure. 81-inch. Could it be? D.B. Cooper? How many inches taller than Tamber is D.B. Cooper?
What’s On Tap at the Bitter Break-Up Brewery
Petty Fight Pilsner: Remember that yelling match in the parking lot after the old disagreement about whose responsibility it was to feed the fish?
Hey Bullies: Stay Off Our Beaches
How many times have you seen this: some jerk starts trying to drink all the ocean water because they don’t want the fish to have it.
Ho Ho Ho, I’ve Updated Your Privacy Policy
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
The Many Alarm Clocks Unemployed People Wake Up To
10:00 A.M: A phone call! Could it be an inteview? No, just those Mormon missionaries you gave your number to during that “Who am I” phase in college.
Terms and Conditions for the Use of This Software
We reserve the right to reserve the very best table at the most expensive restaurant in your surrounding area and to charge it to your credit card.
I’m Sorry, I Won’t Make a Cake for Your Gay Wedding, Because This is an OshKosh B’Gosh
All I can offer you is 60% off all denim-wear. So yous can getcha some toddler overalls or some jeans for any little tikes yous two may know of.