Children | Page 37 | Points in Case

Tag: Children

I’m so glad to get this off my shell. It’s been a weight no snail should have to bear.

I’d be willing to bet it takes dozens of muscles in the arms, legs, and torso to lift this soda machine off of my shattered body.

When he starts pounding on the walls because he is scared and wants to run from the skeleton who you just said was inside him, you must act quickly.

Steve slams his fist on the table in the interrogation room. “Talk to me!” he screams. Slippery Soap flinches.

You’re the best goddamned spy we’ve got in the service, but the day you TRULY become a spy is the day you get my stepson to show me some respect.

We had a few incidents in which some misused their legally acquired, weaponized smallpox strains, but that's a small price to pay for freedom.

Dad Bod Mints: Like the popular “Thin Mints,” but thicker, and with a little bit of hair.

Now that I know there are more of us, maybe we can form a community. We kiss our parents on the lips together, and they will gently kiss us back.

We then cut to the same location to view the disturbing spectacle of grotesque businessmen carving up our dead Bill and eating him for supper.

It’s a commitment, most football teams have several practices a week. As a single parent, I can’t make that work. Also my son is made of glass.

The only thing that stops a bad kid with a dream is a good fully grown adult with a Twitter account. Please heed these social media tips.

Wheat Grass: You are health conscious and enjoy taste bud masochism. Scotch: You are a lawyer and you’ve been to 13% of your son’s baseball games.