Inspector Dirty Harry Callahan Leads Your Girl Scout Troop’s Cookie Sale
Sell and then shake 'em down for dirt on their dealer. There's only room for one dirty cop and one dirty Girl Scout troop in this neighborhood.
Tag: Children
An Open Letter to My Parents Who are Forcing Me to Be an Amateur Standup Comedian When I Just Want to Work in Human Resources
Even though I am pursuing a stable career in human resources, please remember that I will always be your emotionally underdeveloped and insecure son.
Addressing the Allegations That I Left the Sleepover Early Because I was Afraid of the Movie
Why, if I supposedly love my mom so much, did I tell everyone, "My mom is making me come home because I have a stomachache, I hate her so much"?
A Pitch for My TV Show “Finding Bigfoot and Also My Biological Parents If We Have Time”
The show aims to capture clear and undoctored footage of Bigfoot. Also, if we run into my biological parents along the way, that'd be pretty neat, too.
If Trump Won’t Protect Trans Kids, My Ninja Weapons and I Will
When the lives of countless transgender children are at stake, I've no choice but to raise aloft my twin sai and declare, "Fearmongers, beware!"
Four Miraculous Tales of Survival by Young Children in Peril
Relying solely on their wits and instincts, these brave kids overcame incredible odds to survive life-threatening situations.
My Bhutanese Drama Students Want to Recreate “Son of the Mask” and I Have No Idea What to Do
How can I adapt "Son of the Mask" into a 10-minute play with a bunch of Bhutanese 13-year-olds who speak limited English?
3 Years After the Breakup, I Finally Stopped Drunk Texting My Ex’s Mom, Pam
"Pam I think Mark is at this party??" I typed as I moved in on his doppelganger. "Does he still wear the shirt I bought him 4 christmas?????"
Stan Lee’s Cameo in My Life as My Dad Has Officially Gone From “Kind of Endearing” to “Where is the Film Crew Hiding?”
The man who started out in a brief cameo appearance has quickly become a series regular in my life, and things are getting weird.
The Adventure of Mom and Toddler to the Airport Gate
My two-year-old then "dove" towards the airport floor, arms straight behind her as Moana's are when she swims down for the heart of Te Fiti.
Assholes Brace for the Arrival of Self-Driving Cars
The same folks who tailgate, casually cut you off, and pass you on the shoulder now face no longer being able to terrorize fellow drivers.
I Accept the Apology I Demanded From You
Now you know, you can't just sweep your problems under the rug and hope I don't build them up into metaphors for my failures as a parent.