How to Network (With Your Parents) in Hollywood
With famous parents, you have the advantage of not needing to beat around the bush and pretend to be considerate of their feelings; you can just ask them for a job!
Tag: Children
Requests for My Make-A-Wish Bachelor Party
Dear Make-A-Wish Foundation, I've recently been given three weeks to live. Because I am 12 and have not yet experienced a bachelor party, here is my list of requests.
Why I Love “The Handmaid’s Tale”: A Review by Michelle Duggar
I thought I was good at dressing my body like a burlap sack of potatoes, but I have been outdone! Women are all just floating heads with robot arms.
Help! My Dukes of Hazzard Lunchbox Has Me on the Wrong Side of History
It had the car... with the flag! Yes, THAT flag! What could my mother have been thinking when she gave in to my demands for it?
Young Wizarding School Orientation Speech
Rest assured, students do not learn teleportation until their fourth year. We had some minor issues with spontaneous combustion in the past, which is why we pushed it back.
Hungover Review of a Catholic Mass
I wonder if my indoor sunglasses and the giant jug of orange juice betray my hangover? The glare from Sister Beatrice indicates yes.
I Think I’m Going to Start Working Out Again, Just as Soon as Someone Pries Me Out of This Tube Slide
Does metabolism really have anything to do with taking off your shirt, screaming "I want to feel alive!" and diving face first into a 360-degree twisted tube slide?
If Authors of Children’s Books Had Succumbed to the Dystopian Fiction Craze
In "Green Eggs and Radioactive Lambs" an isolated town's chickens have died and the few remaining eggs have turned green. Eat these pitiful creatures or starve?
A Diplomatic Mission to My Nephew’s Minecraft World
I had long heard rumors of Ben's virtual atrocities, but I needed to see proof of them for myself. After all, he's 10, how bad could it be?
Help! I’m 7 and I’m Lost Forever in This Kmart
Welp, this is how it all ends. If there's some sort of service to remember me, please have them mention my karate belts.
If You Just Sat Still and Tried Bipartisanship, You Might Like the Taste
Sit at the table, young man. You can't have your funding for the border wall until you finish this fiscal deal. Plus, I added some salt.
A Response Letter From Mark Zuckerberg’s Newborn Daughter, August
Hey Dad, I just want to reassure you: I'm not worried about the future. Not even the tiniest amount. Because I'm going to inherit billions of dollars.