Four Tips for Hosting Rosemary’s Baby Shower
Baby shower timing is important. Too late and Rosemary may be dead after the Antichrist rips out of her stomach. Too soon and she'll have no baby bump to sport!
Tag: Children
7 Reasons Why Babies are the Worst (from a Mom)
Even though I gave birth to this thing, I still very much dislike babies. Before you consider littering this world with your awful spawn, here's why you'll regret it.
Why the Hell Would You Take Your Children to See Evil Dead?
The first thing you should know about the remake is that it's not a comedy. The second thing you should know is that IT'S NOT FOR CHILDREN, YOU SHITTY PARENTS.
Stop Posting About Your Kids on Facebook, Part 3
I've done my best this year to try and avoid the Facebook narcissism that endlessly infiltrates my news feed, only to find that it is physically impossible, thus Part 3.
The Complete Lunatic’s Guide to Raising a Baby
Babies are the worst. But now you accidentally have one (please say it wasn't on purpose), and I'm here to help you deal with the screaming little poop factory.
How Childbirth Confers Wisdom Upon Mothers
Moms think they know everything, just because they pushed a creature out from between their thighs and stamped a name on it.
Pinkalicious: America’s Favorite Racist Children’s Book
Pinkalicious, Middle America's favorite beady-eyed bitch, is a deceitful, thieving shit. There's a dark undercurrent at work in this supposedly fun-filled kid's book.
Kid’n Around: Music For Children Only
Kid’n Around is a heart melting band created by Josh and Nathan Dweezler. Albums include "Free Candy at Our House!" and "White Van Comes a Callin’" both available on CD or cassette.
My Childhood Pets
My second ever pet was a hamster. Her full name was Cooper the Super Duper Pooper (I was like, 6, and still maintain that rhyming is cool). Like any six year old, I wanted to hug my new best friend.
1-800-PEDOPHILE: Take Control of Your Children Today!
Nowadays, it's all too common for a mother to have the holy blue hell beaten out of her daily by her 8-year-old son. But not after a visit by one of our trained sex offender actors!
Stop Posting About Your Kids on Facebook, Part 2
After Part 1, I still have several Facebook "friends" left that I'd like to alienate, so I will make my point again by ripping apart more annoying posts about kids I've seen recently.
Stop Posting About Your Kids on Facebook
I don't have any children that I know of, and I obviously don't understand the fraternity of parenthood, but come on, nobody wants to hear about your kids on Facebook.