Trophies Mean You Were One of the Cool Kids
All the dusty, gold-plated, tomboy-shaped trophies that define how cool I used to be are, sadly, probably sitting on the shelves of poor children who didn't earn them.
Tag: Children
10 Things Destroying America’s Youth
American youths are steadily being eroded into douchebags, techno-geeks, and new age hippies. Here are the worst things chipping away at the next generation.
Suburban Boy Gets His First Job
<p><strong>SUBURBAN HOUSEHOLD, AFTERNOON</strong></p><p>SCOTT: Mom, can I borrow twenty dollars? I want to take Cindy to <em>Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince</em> and Dad hasn't paid me yet for mowing the—</p>
8 Things You Did as a Kid That You Wish You Could Do Now
<p><font size="3"><strong>1. Play Hide-and-Seek</strong></font></p> <p>This applies to "Ghosts in the Graveyard," four-square, and pretty much any other game you used to enjoy. If you're still engaging in these activities, odds are you're the only participant over the age of twelve, or you're drunk. </p>
Mommy, When I Grow Up I Want to be a Slut
In college, inner beauty clearly has as much use as a book on how to read, at least as far as getting laid goes. Enter the slut theory.
Study: Obese Kids Likely to Be Big Eaters
Ground-breaking research has determined that not only are fat children fat, they are also likely to be bullied. It's a crazy world.
It Was a Pleasure Beating You
His father was a hardnosed man. He was also hard-bodied, hardheaded, hardworking and a touch hard of hearing. The last one was the most dangerous.
Suicide Letter to a Child
Why have I decided to go live with Jesus? Well little buddy, I've had my own royal rumble wrestling match with myself and I lost.
Quintuplets: The Worst TV Show Ever…EVER!
FOX Network, you've done it again. Just when we thought programming was at its worst, you've hit us with a new disgrace: Quintuplets.