As Your Fortune Teller, I Will Tell You, a Dewy Young Thing, Who You’ll Be In Forty or Fifty Years
You will be a person who, needing more room for books, never once thinks the words “bricks” or “boards.”
Tag: Children
Dear Colleagues: I Think There’s a Kid Loose in the Office
I know one of you grown adults would never leave exploded beef stroganoff all over the microwave.
Your School District’s Superintendent Introduces His Top Ten New Substitute Teachers
Our Tallest 2nd Grader: I mean, have you seen this kid? He can even spell “tyrannosaur.” Anyway, he’ll be teaching AP Bio.
Fine Wines Inspired by the Stains on My Couch
The urinary mishaps of three potty-training boys mingle to deliver this temporally complex white.
An Encyclopedia of Uncles
Barnuncle: A barnacle uncle. Commonly moves around by clinging to the bottom of ships.
Quarterback Audibles Around the In-Laws
How can someone from Nebraska not want to talk about football, like, at all?
Today Is Opposite Day: Here’s How to Not Not (Not?) Get Bullied by an Eight-Year-Old Named Kalley
Today’s Opposite Day was triggered by my friend’s child, Kalley, who expressed that I "had a nice haircut… on Opposite Day."
Well, Gang, We Completely Failed to Save the Rec Center
I really believed that a gang of scrappy, oddball teenage underdogs like us could pull this off against all odds.
Think You Got What It Takes to Join Our Gang, the Crabapple Boys?!
WHAT WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR… YOU: - Enjoy tippin’ over hot dog carts for craps n’ giggles - Like puttin’ pennies on train tracks and watching ‘em smoosh
Fact About Toddlers or Fact About Tornadoes?
- Formed during a hot summer night in a small Kansas town - The absolute worst and most dangerous place to experience one is inside a motor vehicle
Sesame Street’s First Cinephile Muppet Is an Attack on Our Nation’s Core Values
After learning that Big Bird’s top four films on Letterboxd were American, Jeremy forced Big Bird to undergo something called “Bergman Boot Camp.”
Latest Demands in the Ongoing Hostage Negotiations Between You and Your Toddler
Bath time shall last a minimum of three hours or until I’ve shriveled to one-half my natural size. ABSOLUTELY NO HAIR WASHING.