Fact About Toddlers or Fact About Tornadoes?
- Formed during a hot summer night in a small Kansas town - The absolute worst and most dangerous place to experience one is inside a motor vehicle
Tag: Children
Sesame Street’s First Cinephile Muppet Is an Attack on Our Nation’s Core Values
After learning that Big Bird’s top four films on Letterboxd were American, Jeremy forced Big Bird to undergo something called “Bergman Boot Camp.”
Latest Demands in the Ongoing Hostage Negotiations Between You and Your Toddler
Bath time shall last a minimum of three hours or until I’ve shriveled to one-half my natural size. ABSOLUTELY NO HAIR WASHING.
Top Ten Reasons My Fedora Is Better than Your Ugly-Ass Baby
My fedora is almost always silent, but your kid starts screaming just because I flick him in both his eyes? Toughen up, Henry.
Church of the Exquisite Guilt
Pray especially for those of us who have screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP I AM TRYING TO MEDITATE" at our children.
I Was the Lemur Handler on “Zoboomafoo” and My NDA Just Expired
I didn’t go to Tisch so I could buy cocaine for a lemur. Plus, lemurs need three times as much snow to get going.
Seven Reboot Ideas from Nickelodeon’s Head of Development
ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENT?: Now in their forties, our cast has come together to exchange scary stories about relationships and marital troubles.
“Very Hungry Caterpillar” Gets an R-Rated Remake
I also can’t seem to remember anything after the second act, which my therapist says is my brain’s way of protecting itself.
Can You Ask Grandma a Few Things for Me While You’re Contacting Her from Beyond the Grave?
Did Grandpa really like me the most out of all the grandchildren, and even more than some of his own kids?
Damn the Principal, the Kids Must See My Short Film
And no matter what you, other teachers, or the PTA may say, this has nothing to do with my film's complete rejection from festivals nationwide.
Are You My Toddler or the Incredible Hulk?
- You become astonishingly strong when angry. - You can destroy an entire house in seconds.
I’m the Pinch Pot You Made in Third Grade—Why Won’t Your Mother Let Me Die?
I looked around: Pristine bowls, with smooth edges, not a pinch in sight. My exterior sports at least seven visible fingerprints and a hole that slowly leaks.