Christmas

Tag: Christmas

My house got robbed and my tree did nothing. In fact, I’m pretty sure it gave the burglars the alarm code.

We settled our feud with the local breeder, and will once again have nine living, breathing reindeer on site as in days of yore.

Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.

Nadine rips open the presents, revealing these primitive analog relics. But by noon, she’ll have forgotten about all of you.

This snowman wedding racket is a disgrace to the good name of clergymen everywhere.

It is imperative we observe the appropriate time to ring in the season, as that “ring” is the alarm which awakens Santa from his 11-month slumber.

We figured you just weren’t hungry or something, considering how often you used to snack on us.

Listen, I appreciate being included in this Christmas parade but, frankly, I’m not sure why I’m here.

Just goes to show you what 520 calories and 24 grams of protein per sandwich can do for your kids.

My seat had no window, I'd wasted my cash / on a seat in the middle by a guy with a rash

There is no way ol' Kris Kringle is going to remember what I asked for… until now. This holiday season, he is going to remember my name.

Wearing multiple warm layers will ensure that you don’t end up in the ER with hypothermia.