5 Distracting Topics to Bring Up While Your Family Opens Your Shitty Gifts
Did you hear my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Applebaum passed away? She was only 67. Really makes you appreciate that Halloween mug, doesn't it?
Did you hear my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Applebaum passed away? She was only 67. Really makes you appreciate that Halloween mug, doesn't it?
I saw your Craigslist ad about needing a date to your office holiday party. Here's more about me and why you should take me as your plus one!
Just in time for Christmas, download "A Pilgrim's Weighty Choice" from the App Store and find top-rated, authentic local nativities!
First of all, son, I'm not angry with you for peeking downstairs. I just want you to tell Daddy more about the man you saw Mommy kissing, okay?
Sue grew into her breasts last year and is now popular with the boys, but she is self-identifying as Asian which is also confusing the boys.
When Uncle Bob leads the family in grace, take the opportunity to open Tinder for some discreet, under-the-table swiping, but still visible to Derek.
Hey Santa, could you spend a little time with me this year after coming down the chimney? You know, discuss Bitcoin valuations and eat some cookies.
Check out these classic movies to watch with your family this Christmas! (Unfortunately, recent Hollywood scandals have forced us to update this list.)
Essential gifts for the hard-to-shop-for, not-so-subtle racists, and people who still want to talk about "the emails" in your life.
Indeed there is no Santa Claus, and we can definitively say it would be impossible for one man to visit all the children in the world in one night.
The coffers were hung by Big Business with care, in hopes that St. Donald Trump soon would be there.
Remember, every log you place on the fire would undoubtedly be screaming if it had a voice.