‘Twas the Night Before Inauguration
The coffers were hung by Big Business with care, in hopes that St. Donald Trump soon would be there.
Tag: Christmas
12 Things to Assure Your Seasonal Holiday Depression Kicks In
Remember, every log you place on the fire would undoubtedly be screaming if it had a voice.
How to Reconcile Your Anti-Semitism With Your Love for Jesus Christ, King of the Jews
Many anti-Semites are also God-fearing Christians, whose savior is Jesus Christ. So how can they make peace between despising Jews and worshipping one?
North Pole CDC Report: 13 Worst Reindeer STDs
Any reindeer that have seen graphic photos of the horrific effects of Red Nose Waffle or Silver Balls know it's nothing to mess with.
5 Christmas Gifts to Get Your Beloved Without Violating the Restraining Order
The gifts that will bring you closer to that special loved one, even when you have to be 500 feet apart.
I’m Regifting These Turtle Doves and You Know Why
What's the big deal with doves? They're not exactly the monarchy of the bird community. In fact, they're just bleached pigeons.
Animals Santa Considered Replacing Reindeer With
Santa considered a handful of alternate sleigh-pullers before settling on those magic horned beasts. Here are the 13 losers.
Merry Fucking Christmas to All From the Millers!
Another eventful year has passed and the Millers are feeling SO BLESSED despite the fact that we are all agnostics or atheists.
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (Not That You Care, Grandpa)
The undertones are more disturbing than a simple Christmas accident: Grandpa and the rest of the family took out Grandma deliberately.
10 Ways to Use the Holidays to Harness the Power You Can’t Get From Your Horrible Job
A holiday party is the perfect opportunity to quiet your anxiety and self-loathing by making others say "How does she do it?!"
8 Christmas Gift Ideas for the Patriarchy in Your Life
Yoo hoo, ladies! Wondering what to get that special patriarchy in your life that already has everything? The answer is… more of everything!
A Thorough Deconstruction of the Absurdity of the Three Wise Men Story
The maji hoped Jesus would grow up and use the frankincense and myrrh to develop a proprietary blend for His signature cologne, using His omniscient business acumen.