Santa, Please Turn All My Useless Christmas Presents into Gift Cards without My Loved Ones Noticing
My mom mailed me back my matching pajama set with a note, “Don’t bother wearing our family Christmas pajamas unless you ask for something fun."
Tag: Christmas
5 Episodes of “DuckTales” Where Winter’s First Snowfall Coincided with Uncle Scrooge Explaining to His Grandnephews That Because They Were Not Human, God Would Not Welcome Them into the Kingdom of Heaven When They Died
Season 1, Episode 45 - Raiders of the Lost Harp: When Uncle Scrooge Bemoans That All His Riches Cannot Afford Him a Seat in God’s Kingdom
Guidelines for Hot, White Male Protagonists in Made-For-TV Holiday Movies
Flaky GPS will accidentally lead him to shithole town’s all too familiar old bar, where he'll bump into the one that got away.
Dear Families That Share Holiday Letters
I noticed that you already posted those vacation photos online, but the evidence of just how wealthy your family is magneted to my fridge is a treat!
Your Holiday Guide to Not Supporting Local Artists
Enjoy this quaint seasonal attraction while skillfully dodging pesky shop attendants!
Excerpt from the Diary of a Pumpkin Spice Latte
I’m just a Pumpkin Spice Latte, standing in front of a customer, asking them to love me for more than 55 days a year...
Other Movies Based on Hyper-Literal Interpretations of ’80s Pop Songs
"Karma Chameleon": A gay man falls in love with a faithless reptile who comes and goes, comes and goes.
A Year of No
A friend finds an aggressive dog hiding under a car. She asks if we will take him in temporarily. I know I need to swallow my fear, so I say yes.
Trying to Explain My Statement Fashion Choices to My Mother
Dad’s old tennis sneakers: You dated him in college when he wore these sneakers and you seemed to like them just fine back then.
My Boyfriend Left Me for a Girl Who Sings Sensual Covers of Alternative Rock Songs on YouTube
Things got worse after I said my favorite R.E.M. song was “Shiny Happy People.” He got so angry that I thought his slim body was going to overheat.
Is Your Aunt Peggy Paparazzi or Is She Just a Monster?
3) What did you get Aunt Peggy for Christmas? a. A big box of steering clear. b. Well, she would have wanted me to get myself something nice.
Season 8 “Game of Thrones” Predictions From Someone Who’s Never Watched It
Episode 5: Ed Sheeran Sings, Like, 4 Times And Then Dies: I heard he didn't even sing the last time he was on the show. This will be an upgrade.