Every Situation in Which I Would Literally Say, “You Snooze, You Lose”
I’m a notorious 1850s Vaudeville impresario known as “The Dean of Mean.” My top rule for performers is “don’t be a snooze.”
Tag: Cliches
Things The Guy Yelled Before “Mortal Kombat!”
IF I REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT, I GREW UP IN A BIG FAMILY—I HAD 7 OTHER SIBLINGS. I’D GET NOTICED ONLY IF I YELLED REAL LOUDLY.
More Hybrid Skirmish Films We Probably Don’t Need
Doctor Zhivago vs. Babe – This talking pig is out for revenge against the Russian physicist and poet who ate his brother.
Unwritten Laws That Are Laws Nevertheless, and the Advice of Counsel Is Not to Flout Them
When a store cashier asks if you found everything you need, it is against the law to say, ''No, I couldn't find granola with almonds and raisins.''
What Your Email Sign-Off Says About You
Best wishes: You are a cold-blooded sadomasochist who is fully aware that by vocalizing one's wishes, they will never come true.
47 Corporate Buzzwords Redefined for Work-At-Home Times
Early Adopters: The line you wished you’d gotten into to get the better kids than the ones you’re in lockdown with.
Yankee Candle Scents for Fall 2020
Cabin Fever Delight - Hot dogs sizzle over a space heater because you’ve officially lost it. Time is nothing but a construct.
How to Pronounce the Names of White Male Politicians
Mike [ mahyk ] Pronounced: “my khh” Rhymes with: “yikes!” Common mispronunciations: Matt, Mark How to remember: Mike is short for “open mic night.”
Fun Facts for Every Corporate Icebreaker, and When to Use Them
Despite what you see on the Zoom, I don’t sunburn easily. (When we can't think of a fun fact, my current boss tells us to try a humblebrag.)
A Prayer for the Trader Joe’s “Ethnic Lines” No Longer With Us
Let us sing the cleverest of songs for Trader Joe-San whose punny word play on the Japanese honorific translated to "Mr. Trader Joe."
Conversations I’d Rather Have Than the One Where We Talk About How Quarantine Has Made Us Lose Track of What Day It Is
The one where I try to explain to my conservative step-father who doesn’t see color that calling protestors "thugs" is racist.
What People Are Saying Now, More Than Ever, During the Pandemic
Now, more than ever: people you’ve never been in contact with are saying, “There are still ways we can stay connected.”