“Kiss Me, I’m Irish” T-Shirts for Those with Partial Ancestry
Go on two dates with me that seem to go well, but then inexplicably ghost me, I’m half Irish
Tag: Clothes
The Best Outfit for Your Star Sign According to Your Puritan Astrologer
Aquarius: Who is morally frail? Thou art. Immoral thoughts cause your complexion to redden.
Spiders Should Start Wearing Cute Little Hats
Picture a spider eating a child, but now it’s wearing a tasteful little beret. People will ask, “Wow is that spider French?”
Top 4 Back to School Outfits That Will Make Jason from Chemistry Cream His Pants
When Jason sees you wearing this in chemistry class, he’s gonna cream his jeans so hard that the frog he’s dissecting will come back to life!
I Really Shouldn’t Have Worn a Suit on This Camping Trip
“We’re not in the boardroom anymore, eh fellas?” I said. But Ross seemed genuinely injured.
Christmas Songs Detailing the Sordid Saga of Santa’s Elfskin Boots
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing) Hush! Santa will hear our plotting, He’s gone mad, brain is rotting. We should organize a coup, Before he makes new boots from you.
We Are Discontinuing Your Favorite Underwear
But our new line of Terra® products is now made of cost-saving, eco-friendly burlap, with ties and closures of jute twine!
Top Ten Reasons My Fedora Is Better than Your Ugly-Ass Baby
My fedora is almost always silent, but your kid starts screaming just because I flick him in both his eyes? Toughen up, Henry.
Notes on Being a Fashion Icon
I instead opt for one of my many t-shirts that feature Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs smoking marijuana.
My Job Is Modeling Counterfeit Fashion and It’s the Most Rewarding Job in the World
The lady perched by a theme-park Eiffel Tower, clasping a suspiciously shiny handbag, and hoping security doesn’t notice she jumped the gate, is me!
My Favorite Shirt Has Leatherface Giving You the Finger
Suit and tie? Business casual? I think the Leatherface on my t-shirt will let you know what I think about them.
This Fall, I’m Going Balls to the Wall with Flannel
The ER doctor at San Diego General Hospital claimed my vision was a fever dream induced by sleeping in a flannel thermal jacket.