TSA Guidelines for National Clown Week
Provide your real name. Slappy, Mr. Chuckles, Giggle Master, Miss Jiggles-a-Lot, and Happy Pappy are not legal names we recognize.
Tag: Clothes
Dos and Don’ts for Parenting When Your “Uncoupling” Involves His and Hers Restraining Orders
Don't ask loudly and rhetorically "See why I divorced her?" of the shoppers gaping at your unholy hissyfit over her congenital tardiness.
Trying to Explain My Statement Fashion Choices to My Mother
Dad’s old tennis sneakers: You dated him in college when he wore these sneakers and you seemed to like them just fine back then.
Rimbaud’s 2019 Food and Drink Guide to Paris
What can we make of the persons exiting the Sorbonne with something heralded as a "kale chia smoothie?" It appears to be dredged from a fetid pond.
Welcome to Camp Sunshine! Please Read Our 2019 Camp Policies
Camp Sunshine opens its doors at 8:55 every morning. Please drive carefully because although we have 125 campers, we only have 11 legal parking spots.
Please Stop Bursting Into My Darkroom to Question Me About a Murder
How do you think the Andersons feel when I deliver their photos, and half of them are so overexposed that you can’t see the barn they’re leaning on?
Contents of a Magician’s Pockets As Documented When Turning Himself In for Manslaughter
1 red/purple/blue/yellow/green/white/orange/red/blue scarf, nearly 30 feet long, covered in blood, possibly used as a tourniquet.
Supreme Announces Collab With the Double-Jointed Gene
The LabelMan ™ is covered in the logos of Off-White, Palace, and Gucci. Destroying him is possible only through consistent slashing of one’s credit card.
You Are What Your Nike Sneakers Say You Are
Air Max 180: You say stuff like, "The only way to be a marathon runner is to run a marathon." You've never run a marathon.
Rob Gronkowski’s Post-Super Bowl LIII Journal of Self-Discovery
February 17, 2019: Gronk asked to leave goat yoga after try spike goat into ground. Gronk totally relaxed and just wanted to do end zone celebration.
Everyday Tasks That Are Impossible With Someone Watching
Cooking for Friends: This is just like a quick-fire challenge on Top Chef: there’s a time crunch and four people watching.
Laundering Instructions for Your $148 Anthropologie Romper
Cleanse your washing machine: In the drum, tumble one medium-sized bushel of dried sage, rosemary, and lavender on your delicates cycle.