Dave From Admissions and Juliet: A Tale of Unrequited Love
To: Juliet Miller <mjuliet@gmail.com> Subject: Your Last Chance to Get Up On This
Tag: College
7 MORE Things Your Guidance Counselor Isn’t Going to Tell You in High School
Your high school guidance counselor forgot to tell you that you are not special. Actually, you ARE special, but in all the wrong ways.
Your Writer’s Block Needs You to Cut the Crap
The Next Great American Novel won’t be written by a 27-year-old with clear braces and a Deathly Hallows tattoo.
What the Commercials During “Days of Our Lives” Say About You, the Pathetic Daytime Viewer
The three most frequent commercials running during Days of Our Lives, and their insulting implications for you, the lazy sack of shit on the sofa.
EPIC FAIL! This Nobel Laureate Doesn’t Know How to Operate an Industrial-Grade Thresher
OMG! This award-winning humanitarian and advocate for oppressed peoples doesn't know how to operate decades-old agricultural equipment.
Pursue an Accelerated Ninja/Rock Star Dual Degree at Franklin Morse College
Our select, highly motivated students enjoy small class sizes, and hands-on instruction from fearsome masked assassins and famous rock bands.
4 Glowing Reviews of My Grad School Basement Apartment
There's nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a tiny, dingy $800-a-month basement apartment to remind you that your dreams are a sham.
4 Ways to Make Childhood Friend Reunions More Bearable
Why is it that hanging out with your childhood best friend now feels like small-talking with the lady at the supermarket who complains about her allergies?
10 Things You’ll Never Hear on a College Campus
Just because you never hear these things in college doesn't mean they aren't true. Especially the parts about cheating, masturbation, and taking advantage of helpless animals.
The Top 4 Crown Fried Chickens in Philly to Puke In
So you're way too drunk in Philly, huh? That second 40-ounce is coming back up as a sacrifice to the porcelain gods? Head to one of these Crown Fried Chickens.
Just as Mark Zuckerberg Had to Drop Out of Harvard, I Too Must Drop Out of This Pottery Class
I know this decision has alienated a lot of people. And I'm sorry I shattered Bethany's clay pot on the floor while calling her "talentless swine" the other week.
If I’m Going to Donate My Body to Your Medical School, Please Don’t Let Anyone Laugh at My Dead Penis
I've always wanted to donate my body to something greater than myself. But I need assurance that my penis will not be the subject of any sort of entertainment or fun.