Terrifying Profiles on Your College’s Alumni Website
John Chris: I am in my tenth year of overseeing the murder division at Clemsaw Capital. I would be happy to help current students in any way I can!
Tag: College
Your Campus Tour
The college was rebuilt in 1795 by local train tycoon Silas Tother when he needed a place to quietly send his troublesome boys, Phinneas and Hellmouth.
As Your Fortune Teller, I Will Tell You, a Dewy Young Thing, Who You’ll Be In Forty or Fifty Years
You will be a person who, needing more room for books, never once thinks the words “bricks” or “boards.”
A List of Numbers Lower than My Monthly Student Loan Payment
5: Percentage of my college tuition covered by the inaugural Just a Taste of Hope Ayn Rand Memorial Scholarship.
I, The Scarecrow from Oz, Would like to Return My Brain in Exchange for Canceling My Student Loan Debt
They say your education is the one thing nobody can take away from you, but I implore you to do just that.
Recommendation Letter to an Ivy League School or Comment from Judges at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show?
I’ve spent years following and grading Mackenzie, and never have I witnessed such an unsurpassed, rare, elite pedigree.
Welcome to Your New Dorm, Deathtrap Hall
The mattresses, made of an experimental polymer developed by accident in our Food Science Lab, are virtually indestructible.
Psych 3000: The Psychology of Nihilistic Anger
In Unit 2, we will delve into how I’m sick of your stupid shit too, and pretty please fuck off (and thank you).
I’m Your College RA and Sacrificing Your Dormmates Is Fine as Long as I Don’t See It
I'm not gonna be a cop about booze or weed or the occasional mysterious disappearance of a fellow resident.
Who Said It? Kurt Cobain, Kurt Vonnegut, or Kurt, My Libertarian College Roommate
- “I feel stupid and contagious.” - "Masks are stupid it's not even that contagious."
College Packing List, Questionable Performance Art, and a 911 Call
Keith Jeep prepares his daughter for college, public performance art goes awry, and Jean Collins makes her most daring call yet.
Are You the Protagonist of a Borges Story or Just in a Room with Some Professors?
- An important work of literature is being discussed. You have not read it. - You are mostly silent.