Welcome to My Absolutely Official, Virtual Graduation
I do wish everyone could see me. I need everyone I got drunk with Freshman year and then avoided to witness how gorgeous I am, munching on Doritos.
Tag: College
“Go Ahead and Delete Facebook, But Good Luck Remembering When Your High School Bully’s Birthday Is” by Mark Zuckerberg
Facebook was started so I could have a way to stroke my wires to pics of humanoid-looking girls way out of my league—but don't tell Congress that!
The 10 Types of People You’ll Meet in Russian 101
Here-Straight-From-Military Guy: Has probably already committed war crimes. Drinks water out of a milk-gallon container.
Your Private Student Loan and COVID-19
We have been keeping your loan “sheltered in place” so that it grows at its 12% compounded rate.
Horoscopes from Your Mother
As your Venus begins to fade you may be feeling like you're losing control of your life. A man can really help with that.
I’m the Still Life with Asparagus Painting at the Rijksmuseum and I Don’t Appreciate You Laughing
I’m not some lame meme for TikTok. I’m a piece of art, dude. I live here! In a museum! Where do you live? A shared one-bedroom in Bushwick?
It’s Me, The Retail Worker You Don’t Think Deserves More Than $2/Hour but That You Expect to Be on the Frontlines of the Pandemic Response
Since you believe we’re immune to feelings, it only makes sense that you believe we’re immune to the coronavirus, too.
Job Hunting Tips to Find Your Next Exploiter, I Mean, Employer
In exchange for $0 an hour, disillusionment, and occasional sexual harassment, you get a letter of recommendation and two bullet points on a resume.
Small Liberal Arts College in Ohio or Student at a Small Liberal Arts College in Ohio?
Does Schuyler study creative writing at Marietta, or vice versa? Is Kendall a new sorority sister or the home of a new sorority?
Grown World: An Amusement Park for Adults
No Driver's License Bumper Cars: Like bumper cars, but only the child drives. You have to sit and incessantly pumping the imaginary brakes.
It’s Me, the Intern from Two Years Ago, Totally Not Begging for a Job
How are you? How's the company? I'm asking not because I care, but because I want to ensure that you still work here. You're my most valuable contact.
My Personal Statement Applying to Your Grad Program Because I’m 24 and Not Sure What Else to Do
What I love about education is that it provides the unique opportunity to do my homework instead of having to consider any future plans.