College | Page 6 | Points in Case

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Buck: Wow, Jim. I especially liked the raw footage of Chip kicking butt in the chess club, and that slo-mo of him acing the AP calc exam.

Should you fall ill, the university has shored up our reserve of adjuncts. They will easily be able to take on your classes in an emergency.

You have duly earned those A̶’̶s̶,̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶c̶h̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶A̶c̶c̶o̶m̶p̶l̶i̶s̶h̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ P’s, which stand for Probably Above Par.

Dancing Alone, Procrastinating Together: A Sociological Interrogation of TikTok, or Why I Didn’t Finish My Major Requirements

I do wish everyone could see me. I need everyone I got drunk with Freshman year and then avoided to witness how gorgeous I am, munching on Doritos.

Facebook was started so I could have a way to stroke my wires to pics of humanoid-looking girls way out of my league—but don't tell Congress that!

Here-Straight-From-Military Guy: Has probably already committed war crimes. Drinks water out of a milk-gallon container.

We have been keeping your loan “sheltered in place” so that it grows at its 12% compounded rate.

As your Venus begins to fade you may be feeling like you're losing control of your life. A man can really help with that.

I’m not some lame meme for TikTok. I’m a piece of art, dude. I live here! In a museum! Where do you live? A shared one-bedroom in Bushwick?

Since you believe we’re immune to feelings, it only makes sense that you believe we’re immune to the coronavirus, too.

In exchange for $0 an hour, disillusionment, and occasional sexual harassment, you get a letter of recommendation and two bullet points on a resume.